Kyle was friends with Ben. They hung out together and they reminded me of John Cusack and that other kid in 'Sixteen Candles', but way less nerdy. They were the same in the way that they seemed to have a secret language, and a million inside jokes. They would randomly start playing a Star Wars song as if prompted by something the other one said (okay, that was nerdy, but these guys aren't social outcasts like in 'Sixteen Candles').
If Kyle took a moment to explain what he and Ben were laughing about, it was usually pretty funny.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Day 77 - Benjamin
Nobody called Ben, "Benjamin" except me and probably his grandmother. Benjamin Lawrence was a year younger than me and in the sax section. For some reason I got in the habit of calling him by his full name; I used all three names as if he were an assassin. I got a kick out of it. It was so proper. I wish I was disclosing full names, I think everyone else would get a kick out of it too, his middle name will have to do.
Benjamin was not a 'Benjamin' per se; he was definitely a 'Ben' adding to my amusement with his full name. I'd like to add that I asked several times if Ben was bothered by my using his full name, and he said he wasn't. Also, when I'd say it (with flourish, or sometimes an awful British accent) Ben would get this adorable grin on his face.
Is there a moral or a lesson to this impression? I think it's a friendly reminder to search out and appreciate adorable grins in the mundane aspects of our lives.
Benjamin was not a 'Benjamin' per se; he was definitely a 'Ben' adding to my amusement with his full name. I'd like to add that I asked several times if Ben was bothered by my using his full name, and he said he wasn't. Also, when I'd say it (with flourish, or sometimes an awful British accent) Ben would get this adorable grin on his face.
Is there a moral or a lesson to this impression? I think it's a friendly reminder to search out and appreciate adorable grins in the mundane aspects of our lives.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Day 76 - Rocky
Okay, Rocky is not a person. Rocky was the dog I grew up with. My parents joke that when we moved to Houston and my brothers stayed in Colorado, Rocky became my brother.
We got Rocky as a puppy when I was eight. My brothers and I piled into our van with my mom to pick him up from his family. He had just crawled under a car in their garage and got an oil spot on the crown of his head. Logically, I voted for the name Spot; instead, Rocky became his name (something about the spot would wash off was involved in the decision). Rocky was a golden retriever and yellow lab mix. Both breeds can be very hyper, so we specifically asked for the calmest puppy of the litter. The precaution seemed pointless as Rocky was a crazy nut from the first moment we brought him home.
Despite his wild nature, Rocky was one of the smartest dogs I've known. He understood so many words and ideas. He would carry his food dish around like a poor, starving pauper, but forget where he left it by supper time. With a little persuading, "Rocky, find you dish," he would tear around the house on the search. If he came back empty-mouthed, you could suggest his next destination, "Rocky, maybe your dish is under Andrea's bed. Go look under Andrea's bed." Up the stairs he'd speed, and you'd hear him running to my room. A few seconds later, he'd be downstairs staring at you with his bowl at your feet. When my oldest brother first went to college it was an adjustment for all of us. I talked to Rocky about it and he'd just sit and listen to me. The first weekend Chris was coming home, I told Rocky and he ran to the door and sat down expectantly. It was amazing. I could spend hours sharing antidotes of Rocky's brains, or you could trust me. You want stories? comment and I'll add some.
The summer before my senior year, my family went on a two week vacation to New England per usual. Rocky stayed at the kennel I worked for. When I picked him up the day we got back, he was acting strange and looked weird. We chalked it up to the stress of staying at the kennel and thought a night at home would do him good. The following morning, Rocky was still acting strange, so strange I called my Vet in a panic. I took his pulse, reported on his dehydration and told Doc about all his symptoms. She wasn't sure what is was but we decided it could wait until the next day, when the clinic was open. After chest X-rays the next day, we found out Rocky had a tumor in his lung that had grown so large, it punctured his lung. He had been having trouble breathing and the cancer was far enough advanced that it was recommended that we put him to sleep.
My mom and I made the decision after a tearful call to my dad and said goodbye to our still-sedated dog. I've been blessed not to have had to experience a lot of death first hand, so other than a hamster I didn't care too much for, Rocky was my first death.
We got Rocky as a puppy when I was eight. My brothers and I piled into our van with my mom to pick him up from his family. He had just crawled under a car in their garage and got an oil spot on the crown of his head. Logically, I voted for the name Spot; instead, Rocky became his name (something about the spot would wash off was involved in the decision). Rocky was a golden retriever and yellow lab mix. Both breeds can be very hyper, so we specifically asked for the calmest puppy of the litter. The precaution seemed pointless as Rocky was a crazy nut from the first moment we brought him home.
Despite his wild nature, Rocky was one of the smartest dogs I've known. He understood so many words and ideas. He would carry his food dish around like a poor, starving pauper, but forget where he left it by supper time. With a little persuading, "Rocky, find you dish," he would tear around the house on the search. If he came back empty-mouthed, you could suggest his next destination, "Rocky, maybe your dish is under Andrea's bed. Go look under Andrea's bed." Up the stairs he'd speed, and you'd hear him running to my room. A few seconds later, he'd be downstairs staring at you with his bowl at your feet. When my oldest brother first went to college it was an adjustment for all of us. I talked to Rocky about it and he'd just sit and listen to me. The first weekend Chris was coming home, I told Rocky and he ran to the door and sat down expectantly. It was amazing. I could spend hours sharing antidotes of Rocky's brains, or you could trust me. You want stories? comment and I'll add some.
The summer before my senior year, my family went on a two week vacation to New England per usual. Rocky stayed at the kennel I worked for. When I picked him up the day we got back, he was acting strange and looked weird. We chalked it up to the stress of staying at the kennel and thought a night at home would do him good. The following morning, Rocky was still acting strange, so strange I called my Vet in a panic. I took his pulse, reported on his dehydration and told Doc about all his symptoms. She wasn't sure what is was but we decided it could wait until the next day, when the clinic was open. After chest X-rays the next day, we found out Rocky had a tumor in his lung that had grown so large, it punctured his lung. He had been having trouble breathing and the cancer was far enough advanced that it was recommended that we put him to sleep.
My mom and I made the decision after a tearful call to my dad and said goodbye to our still-sedated dog. I've been blessed not to have had to experience a lot of death first hand, so other than a hamster I didn't care too much for, Rocky was my first death.
Day 74 - Chris
Chris was one of my band buddies Senior year. He was supposed to be my only one, but then there was one freshman with no good buddy and I volunteered to take him on. Chris was also a Senior and we'd been friends since freshman year. We were going to be buddies to avoid responsibility together and come up with ridiculous gag gifts for each other. It was a fabulous idea.
While trying to decide how to present Chris, I can't stop smiling from all the memories. Think of someone who lights up any room he enters, can make anyone smile, even when they want to cry, and has a fantastic sense of humor, especially about himself; whatever you're imagining, it cannot live up to Chris. Chris broke the mold, was a cut above the rest, and ever other over-used cliche you can think of.
Chris is the kind of guy you hope to fall in love with. The kind of guy you want all of your friends to have a chance to be friends with. You wish everyone in the world had their own Chris to brighten their lives.
While trying to decide how to present Chris, I can't stop smiling from all the memories. Think of someone who lights up any room he enters, can make anyone smile, even when they want to cry, and has a fantastic sense of humor, especially about himself; whatever you're imagining, it cannot live up to Chris. Chris broke the mold, was a cut above the rest, and ever other over-used cliche you can think of.
Chris is the kind of guy you hope to fall in love with. The kind of guy you want all of your friends to have a chance to be friends with. You wish everyone in the world had their own Chris to brighten their lives.
Day 75 - Amanda
Amanda is a shy girl, but once she's comfortable, she's sarcastic, hilarious, and a darn good time. It took me a long time to learn about that side of her. Amanda is also a wonderful friend. I do an awful job of keeping in touch with people after moving away from them. After graduation, Amanda picked up the slack and also understood that my disappearing acts did not mean I stopped caring. Amanda was one of my only high school friends that made the long journey to Oklahoma to visit me. We both changed in college, but it seems not to have mattered. I think we're better friends now (or we were untill I disappeared again). I think we've grown into each other in a lot of ways.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Day 73 - Kelly
I've stopped using last names simply because this is a google-crazy society and I'd hate for someone to stumble across my blog in an attempt to research one of the people I've written about. It's a shame, because this guy's full name is great.
Kelly moved to my high school senior year and immediately fell into a crowd closely knit with my crowd. Kelly came into my homeroom occasionally to hang out. He was amazingly nice. Even when the person he was visiting ignored me although I sit close enough to normally be involved, Kelly would involve me. He'd ask how I was and my opinion on their conversation. He was just a sweet guy.
He left a strong enough impression on me during the handful of short interactions over a year, that I was telling a new friend in college about this great kid that went to my school, named Kelly K-----. That friend was Stefanie, who went to school with Kelly until his senior year when he moved to my school. How funny is that?
That isn't the point. The point is, Kelly was a great guy. I try to remember how inclusive he was when I have the opportunity to act with the same sentiment.
Kelly moved to my high school senior year and immediately fell into a crowd closely knit with my crowd. Kelly came into my homeroom occasionally to hang out. He was amazingly nice. Even when the person he was visiting ignored me although I sit close enough to normally be involved, Kelly would involve me. He'd ask how I was and my opinion on their conversation. He was just a sweet guy.
He left a strong enough impression on me during the handful of short interactions over a year, that I was telling a new friend in college about this great kid that went to my school, named Kelly K-----. That friend was Stefanie, who went to school with Kelly until his senior year when he moved to my school. How funny is that?
That isn't the point. The point is, Kelly was a great guy. I try to remember how inclusive he was when I have the opportunity to act with the same sentiment.
Day 72 - Karyssa Star
I added the star to Karyssa's name, because that's what she is. Our senior year, Karyssa decided to try-out for cheer leading, and made the varsity squad. She decided to try theatre and got a part in Chorus Line. She also had an amazing GPA, was in NHS, volunteered and practically constantly smiled. Karyssa astounded me. If she set a goal, she would work like hell to reach it. I could probably still learn a thing or two from Karyssa.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Day 71 - "K"
K and I were never close, despite being in band for four years together and having a lot of the same friends. I always felt like I was being judged by her. She was a very cute, smart, sweet girl, but I rarely felt she was being genuine with me. It was as if a wall was erected between us and she was concealing it with her smile.
I didn't have a clue what it could be about until after graduation. I found out she and a few of her friends assumed I was obviously having sex because I had a serious boyfriend and wasn't overtly "Christian" (My high school was home to a lot of students who preached Christianity without truly hoping their peers would convert. My interactions with these kids left a bad taste in my mouth and I was bitterly against Christians who were vocal about their beliefs for along time.). It wasn't the fact that they thought I was having sex that made me mad, it's that they judged me because of it, treated me differently, and spread the rumor.
It's a shame. It's a shame a small group of people turned me away from a faith that they were trying to promote. It's a shame I wasn't judged by anything real. It's a shame that this is the lasting memory I have of K. She really was a sweet girl.
P.S. This is the first time I'm trying out an alias, because I don't think this person should be judged by my story... I really don't think anyone should be judged by what I say about them, but that isn't possible. However, this impression was based partially on what someone told me (someone I trust very much, but it's still hearsay).
I didn't have a clue what it could be about until after graduation. I found out she and a few of her friends assumed I was obviously having sex because I had a serious boyfriend and wasn't overtly "Christian" (My high school was home to a lot of students who preached Christianity without truly hoping their peers would convert. My interactions with these kids left a bad taste in my mouth and I was bitterly against Christians who were vocal about their beliefs for along time.). It wasn't the fact that they thought I was having sex that made me mad, it's that they judged me because of it, treated me differently, and spread the rumor.
It's a shame. It's a shame a small group of people turned me away from a faith that they were trying to promote. It's a shame I wasn't judged by anything real. It's a shame that this is the lasting memory I have of K. She really was a sweet girl.
P.S. This is the first time I'm trying out an alias, because I don't think this person should be judged by my story... I really don't think anyone should be judged by what I say about them, but that isn't possible. However, this impression was based partially on what someone told me (someone I trust very much, but it's still hearsay).
Day 70 - Chrislie
Just typing Chrislie's name made me smile. She was so sweet, but not fake. She was real, she had real opinions, real mood swings, real concerns; yet, she was real sweet.
Megan drove her and I to school until I got my parking permit. Then, I drove Chrislie and Megan enjoyed going solo. Chrislie would bake cookies or brownies fairly often and they were good, really good. Even when she was in a bad mood, she got my morning started. Often, on days when I didn't need to drive her, I'd go by her house out of habit. Once I realized my mistake, the morning would seem less bright, the drive longer and all the radio stations would be non-stop talking.
She wasn't just some ditsy girl who made me laugh. Chrislie made me laugh because she was genuinely funny. She also was fiercely loyal to her friends. It was refreshing to see.
Chrislie was a fun addition to my life.
Megan drove her and I to school until I got my parking permit. Then, I drove Chrislie and Megan enjoyed going solo. Chrislie would bake cookies or brownies fairly often and they were good, really good. Even when she was in a bad mood, she got my morning started. Often, on days when I didn't need to drive her, I'd go by her house out of habit. Once I realized my mistake, the morning would seem less bright, the drive longer and all the radio stations would be non-stop talking.
She wasn't just some ditsy girl who made me laugh. Chrislie made me laugh because she was genuinely funny. She also was fiercely loyal to her friends. It was refreshing to see.
Chrislie was a fun addition to my life.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Day 69 - Randi
Randi was my best friend before I moved to Colorado when I was 5. We shared a deep love for New Kids on the Block and watched their videos all the time. When I moved, we became pen pals. As with all of my pen pal experiences, the letters become less frequent until you both stop completely.
Skip ahead ten years to high school marching band. At away football games, some of the band officers visit the home team's band and give them signs and candy and then the home team's band comes over to our side. While at the opposing sides, you get introduced and then hang around and talk to the band. At one of our away games, Randi climbed our drum major stand to be introduced as a flute player from the other band.
I couldn't believe it! I hadn't heard from Randi in years and it had been even longer since I'd seen her, so for her to just be standing up there in front of me was astounding. I knew she lived in Texas, but I didn't know she lived closer enough for our schools to play each other. I'd like to say we stayed in touch after that, but it's not true. We e-mailed back and forth a few times and our parents send each other Christmas cards. Now that the New Kids on the Block are back together, I've been thinking about Randi again. I wonder if she loves NKtoB as much as I do still.
Skip ahead ten years to high school marching band. At away football games, some of the band officers visit the home team's band and give them signs and candy and then the home team's band comes over to our side. While at the opposing sides, you get introduced and then hang around and talk to the band. At one of our away games, Randi climbed our drum major stand to be introduced as a flute player from the other band.
I couldn't believe it! I hadn't heard from Randi in years and it had been even longer since I'd seen her, so for her to just be standing up there in front of me was astounding. I knew she lived in Texas, but I didn't know she lived closer enough for our schools to play each other. I'd like to say we stayed in touch after that, but it's not true. We e-mailed back and forth a few times and our parents send each other Christmas cards. Now that the New Kids on the Block are back together, I've been thinking about Randi again. I wonder if she loves NKtoB as much as I do still.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Day 68 - Kyle W
Kyle was a good friend in high school. We had computer science together our sophomore year. We would joke around about how easy it was and sail through writing the programs. We would even sometimes compete on the same computer science team on the weekends. We got in the habit of hugging goodbye. Kyle gave some of the best hugs. He also gave me copies of every single Green Day Cd, even their first three recordings on cassettes. Kyle was so adorable and sweet. My Junior year, I can't exactly remember if we still had a class together, but we would definitely walk together at least a couple times a week. And we still said goodbye with a hug.
I started to feel that Kyle liked me and there were times when I thought I really liked Kyle. I would feel horribly guilty that I was being unfair to Keith. I always convinced myself that even if Kyle and I got along well, I loved Keith. I even compared it to when married couples form crushes, but don't have affairs. Right before Christmas our junior year, Kyle took me to lunch during one of our half days for finals. Afterwards, back at the school parking lot he gave me a really nice letter. I would feel like I'm giving away secrets that aren't mine to tell if I fully explained the letter, but throughout it he said how much he respected Keith and did not want to mess up what we had.
After that, Kyle and I were still friends, but I felt too guilty. I felt guilty about liking someone who wasn't Keith and I felt guilty for possibly leading someone on who I really cared about. Senior year, Kyle started dating a sweet, cute Junior. I was happy for him, but our then-shaky friendship more or less disappeared.
After graduation, Kyle and I stayed in touch a few times a year. Whenever we saw each other over holidays or the summer, one of us was with someone else. I built him up in my mind as someone I was meant date once the timing was right. The last time I saw Kyle was when I had graduated and was driving through Texas and Oklahoma to visit friends. We went out, and after several beers, dancing in some bar, I felt that maybe the timing was finally right.
It wasn't. Nothing scandalous happened, but the morning after was still terribly awkward and outside of the occassional facebook 'hello', I haven't seen or really talked to Kyle since.
The whole situation showed me that if the universe is putting enough barriers in your way, it's probably trying to tell you something. I try not to over-analyze or push things anymore. ('Try' is the key word there.)
I started to feel that Kyle liked me and there were times when I thought I really liked Kyle. I would feel horribly guilty that I was being unfair to Keith. I always convinced myself that even if Kyle and I got along well, I loved Keith. I even compared it to when married couples form crushes, but don't have affairs. Right before Christmas our junior year, Kyle took me to lunch during one of our half days for finals. Afterwards, back at the school parking lot he gave me a really nice letter. I would feel like I'm giving away secrets that aren't mine to tell if I fully explained the letter, but throughout it he said how much he respected Keith and did not want to mess up what we had.
After that, Kyle and I were still friends, but I felt too guilty. I felt guilty about liking someone who wasn't Keith and I felt guilty for possibly leading someone on who I really cared about. Senior year, Kyle started dating a sweet, cute Junior. I was happy for him, but our then-shaky friendship more or less disappeared.
After graduation, Kyle and I stayed in touch a few times a year. Whenever we saw each other over holidays or the summer, one of us was with someone else. I built him up in my mind as someone I was meant date once the timing was right. The last time I saw Kyle was when I had graduated and was driving through Texas and Oklahoma to visit friends. We went out, and after several beers, dancing in some bar, I felt that maybe the timing was finally right.
It wasn't. Nothing scandalous happened, but the morning after was still terribly awkward and outside of the occassional facebook 'hello', I haven't seen or really talked to Kyle since.
The whole situation showed me that if the universe is putting enough barriers in your way, it's probably trying to tell you something. I try not to over-analyze or push things anymore. ('Try' is the key word there.)
Day 67 - Mr. Mattair
I took Calculus in high school and it was supposed to prepare me for an AP test that would get me out of two semesters of college math. It was a hard class. Mr. Mattair was my teacher. He was really nice, seemed to get a kick out of his students and explained math really well. The first semester I pretty much understood everything. The second semester I got lost.
With only two months left of high school, I started failing tests. Keith tried to help me, but he was busy with a lot of different classes and movie projects. Mr. Mattair tried to help me, but I just could not grasp Calculus II. Thankfully, he bumped my final grade from what should have probably been a D to a B minus. I think he felt bad for me and knew I was really trying. I had always done well enough in math, I was even in the Math Club: Mu Alpha THeta. I appreciated what Mr. Mattair did so much. If he hadn't helped me out, I would have had to change classes for the last month or not graduate. Mr. Mattair got me through school.
With only two months left of high school, I started failing tests. Keith tried to help me, but he was busy with a lot of different classes and movie projects. Mr. Mattair tried to help me, but I just could not grasp Calculus II. Thankfully, he bumped my final grade from what should have probably been a D to a B minus. I think he felt bad for me and knew I was really trying. I had always done well enough in math, I was even in the Math Club: Mu Alpha THeta. I appreciated what Mr. Mattair did so much. If he hadn't helped me out, I would have had to change classes for the last month or not graduate. Mr. Mattair got me through school.
Day 66 - The Schwartz's
The Schwartz's were our neighbors in Colorado, and I'm going out of order to return to them. They had two little girls who were 2 and 8 when I was 12 and babysat them.
Sam, the youngest was like Houdini. When you put her to bed, not only did you have to lock the door, you also had to put up a baby gate outside it and attach this special cover over the lock so she couldn't unlock it from inside. Before this method (which wasn't always enough) was put in place, Sam would escape and either sneak up on you in the living room or run out the front door. It was frustrating and a little scary.
Laura, the elder sister, knew more about sex then I did. She was allowed to watch any movie in the house. Her mother had an enormous movie collection. It was so big Christie and I would joke we were going to the movie store when we went to borrow a movie on the weekends. Laura had seen enough rated R movies to be able to describe things I only now fully understand. It was weird.
I wasn't the best baby sitter when I babysat for the Schwartz's because their kids drove me nuts. I would spend the whole night arguing with them.
I baby sat for them a lot, and I made a lot of money because of it. Between the Schwartz's and two other families who lived very close, I worked 4 or 5 nights a week. It was so cool to have a steady income in middle school, but once we moved, I did not seek out new babysitting jobs and it took nearly ten years for me to even consider the idea of having children of my own one day.
Sam, the youngest was like Houdini. When you put her to bed, not only did you have to lock the door, you also had to put up a baby gate outside it and attach this special cover over the lock so she couldn't unlock it from inside. Before this method (which wasn't always enough) was put in place, Sam would escape and either sneak up on you in the living room or run out the front door. It was frustrating and a little scary.
Laura, the elder sister, knew more about sex then I did. She was allowed to watch any movie in the house. Her mother had an enormous movie collection. It was so big Christie and I would joke we were going to the movie store when we went to borrow a movie on the weekends. Laura had seen enough rated R movies to be able to describe things I only now fully understand. It was weird.
I wasn't the best baby sitter when I babysat for the Schwartz's because their kids drove me nuts. I would spend the whole night arguing with them.
No, you can't watch Beaches. Because I can't even watch that movie. Because it's rated R. I don't know what R stands for. No, you can't eat ice cream. Because we're going to have dinner in a little while. Are you hungry now? No? Then why did you ask for ice cream? I don't care if your other babysitters would give you ice cream. You guys have to finish your meals. I don't care if you eat your dessert first, just empty your plate. No, you can't leave the table yet, take three more bites. Okay, you can leave, but clean up. You're mom doesn't make you clean up? Just pick up the tray and throw it away. I know you know where the trash can is. Did you wash your hands? How did you wash your hands without turning on the sink? Go back and wash them.They knew the schedule and how to divert it. I generally got them in bed an hour after they were supposed to be there and it would take another hour of returning them to their beds and threatening them to get them to sleep. Laura heard the phrase, "if you don't, I'm going to have to tell your mother when she gets home" so often that she started using it on me. "If you aren't nice to us, I'll tell my mom!" I'd calmly replay, "Okay, you tell your mom and I'll have to tell her you were in time-out because you wouldn't eat and you swore at me." It became sickening.
I baby sat for them a lot, and I made a lot of money because of it. Between the Schwartz's and two other families who lived very close, I worked 4 or 5 nights a week. It was so cool to have a steady income in middle school, but once we moved, I did not seek out new babysitting jobs and it took nearly ten years for me to even consider the idea of having children of my own one day.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Day 65 - Annie
Annie was in a class (called something lame like, Scholastic Abilities Studies) with me our freshmen year. I didn't really know who she was until I was dating David and he took her to Prom instead of me. He had asked her before we even met and he assured me they were going as friends. Annie asked me if I was upset that David was taking her to Prom. It was the week before Prom, but it was still really nice of her to ask and I told her I trusted them both. Although they both asked me if it bothered me, neither of them offered to change the plan. I was jealous of Annie because she came before me and because in my eyes they remained close friends.
By Senior year, I was more of less over that silliness, but it was the only memory I had with Annie. The first Monday back to school after I broke up with Keith, I had to make-up an essay quiz in English and so did Annie. Ms. Fritchey sent us to an empty room and gave us the hour. Annie was upset, so I asked her what was wrong. Through tears, she explained she was having family problems and she's been dealing with them for a long time. I don't remember the details, but at the time I couldn't believe I hadn't had a clue beforehand and was beyond impressed that Annie was doing so well under the circumstances. I was still a mess from the break-up and would burst into tears for the smallest reasons. I know it showed and Annie asked what was wrong. As I explained while crying, she expressed her shock and sympathy. We both agreed we didn't need to write the essays and spent the hour talking. (Afterwards, we gave Ms. Fritchey a condensed version of our decision, and she agreed; she was fantastic.) Annie was a huge help, because I didn't have many friends who weren't also really good friends with Keith. It made the break-up more complicated, but it also made me hold back things that I needed to talk about. I hope I offered a similar new ear for Annie.
That hour changed me more than many hours in my life. It made me more trusting and believe in the kindness of relative strangers and start to allow that God may indeed have a plan. It was a perfect example of how things happen for a reason.
By Senior year, I was more of less over that silliness, but it was the only memory I had with Annie. The first Monday back to school after I broke up with Keith, I had to make-up an essay quiz in English and so did Annie. Ms. Fritchey sent us to an empty room and gave us the hour. Annie was upset, so I asked her what was wrong. Through tears, she explained she was having family problems and she's been dealing with them for a long time. I don't remember the details, but at the time I couldn't believe I hadn't had a clue beforehand and was beyond impressed that Annie was doing so well under the circumstances. I was still a mess from the break-up and would burst into tears for the smallest reasons. I know it showed and Annie asked what was wrong. As I explained while crying, she expressed her shock and sympathy. We both agreed we didn't need to write the essays and spent the hour talking. (Afterwards, we gave Ms. Fritchey a condensed version of our decision, and she agreed; she was fantastic.) Annie was a huge help, because I didn't have many friends who weren't also really good friends with Keith. It made the break-up more complicated, but it also made me hold back things that I needed to talk about. I hope I offered a similar new ear for Annie.
That hour changed me more than many hours in my life. It made me more trusting and believe in the kindness of relative strangers and start to allow that God may indeed have a plan. It was a perfect example of how things happen for a reason.
Day 64 - Ms Fritchey
Ms. Fritchey had so much energy, it was easy to describe her as crazy, in an affectionate way, of course. She was my English teacher Senior year. She pushed us, but also understood and didn't bother fighting senioritis. . We read a lot that year, it seemed like every week we were on to something new. This is the year I really started appreciating plays. We read and then watched a BBC version of Tartuffe and I just loved it. The play more than the movie, because the movie was a little embarrassing.
Ms. Fritchey inadvertently gave me my nickname, 'BonBon'. She could never remember how to say my last name and I'd always say, "it's 'bonne' like a bon bon, like a candy." She thought that was hilarious. It didn't seem to matter how many times I said it. Eventually, other people in class would say it and it just became my name.
The last day of class, she stood at her desk and joked with us. "It seems a lot of you have heard I sing." It was true, a rumor was going around our class that Ms. Fritchey sang for the classes she liked on the last day. After goading her for quite some time, she relented and started a song on her computer. We grew silent and she started in, "Daylight/ See the dew on the sunflower..." She sang Memories from CATS. It was corny and beautiful and made me a little teary.
Ms. Fritchey inadvertently gave me my nickname, 'BonBon'. She could never remember how to say my last name and I'd always say, "it's 'bonne' like a bon bon, like a candy." She thought that was hilarious. It didn't seem to matter how many times I said it. Eventually, other people in class would say it and it just became my name.
The last day of class, she stood at her desk and joked with us. "It seems a lot of you have heard I sing." It was true, a rumor was going around our class that Ms. Fritchey sang for the classes she liked on the last day. After goading her for quite some time, she relented and started a song on her computer. We grew silent and she started in, "Daylight/ See the dew on the sunflower..." She sang Memories from CATS. It was corny and beautiful and made me a little teary.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Day 63 - Ryan? or Sean?
Ryan and Sean were twins in band. Enough girls in band thought they were cute that the twins began to act like they were the hottest guys around. They had cute qualties, but their attitudes turned their blue eyes into slits and their winning smiles into smirks.
Tram and I had birthdays within a few weeks of each other, so my parents would let us throw joint birthday parties at my house. On our sixteenth birthday, Linda, who shared my birthday, joined up with us and the three of us made shirts for the occassion. The day of the party we wore our shirts to school. Mine was a black/white/gray camo shirt with pink and purple puff paint on it that said such things as, "Princess Andrea" and "Sweet Sixteen." I was fashionable.
As I passed one of the twins, he snidely asked who made me a princess. I have never been good with comebacks, but I am quick to anger. At the time I knew which twin said it, and I hated him. There have been a lot of moments that contributed to my prejudice against cocky, attractive guys, but this was probably the last straw.
Tram and I had birthdays within a few weeks of each other, so my parents would let us throw joint birthday parties at my house. On our sixteenth birthday, Linda, who shared my birthday, joined up with us and the three of us made shirts for the occassion. The day of the party we wore our shirts to school. Mine was a black/white/gray camo shirt with pink and purple puff paint on it that said such things as, "Princess Andrea" and "Sweet Sixteen." I was fashionable.
As I passed one of the twins, he snidely asked who made me a princess. I have never been good with comebacks, but I am quick to anger. At the time I knew which twin said it, and I hated him. There have been a lot of moments that contributed to my prejudice against cocky, attractive guys, but this was probably the last straw.
Day 62 - Erich
Erich was my band buddy my sophomore year, because Tram had a crush on him. I guess it made more sense for me to be his band buddy because ... the three of us could hang out without the whole 'awkward' band buddy on band buddy crush? or maybe it was less obvious this way? I never really understood, but Erich was a cool band buddy to have. He was a charming junior trumpet player. I don't think we would have been friends at all if he hadn't been my buddy. (In case you're completely lost, upper classmen "adopted" under classmen as "buddies" to guide them through the band experience. Also, for all you non-bandies, trumpet players are usually the most confident (i.e. cocky) and popular band members)
Erich used to ask me a lot of questions I had never heard before and give my beauty advice.
Erich used to ask me a lot of questions I had never heard before and give my beauty advice.
Andrea, why do you always wear your hair up? It would look good down, maybe you should try styling it. It wouldn't take that much time. Andrea, do you wear make-up?You could be really pretty. Andrea, do own any skirts? You only ever wear jeans.
He would say all these things with the sweetest smile. Everyone worries about what other people think of them. With Erich, you didn't have to worry; you knew what he thought.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Day 61 - Doc Marshall
Doc was beyond cool. I worked for her at her Vet Clinic for almost two years. She was a relaxed, strong, confident woman who you didn't question or want to disappoint. She was also a lot of fun. Doc could be so funny and she had the greatest smile. She comforted people with ease when necessary, but lectured pet owners on bad behavior in a way that they usually listened. Doc made a difference.
She taught me so much. Everyday I worked for her, I learned more than I thought I could take in after already sitting in classes all day. She trusted me with a lot. I loved the responsibility. It made me feel special and worthy. There were times when I was frustrated when that trust translated into me waking up almost three hours early to go work for an hour before school, or coming in alone twice a day on Sundays and holidays to walk, feed, medicate and clean up after 30 plus dogs.
In the end, I loved it. It was a huge challenge and I was proud to take it on. Doc was a fantastic role model, a great teacher, and a wonderful boss.
She taught me so much. Everyday I worked for her, I learned more than I thought I could take in after already sitting in classes all day. She trusted me with a lot. I loved the responsibility. It made me feel special and worthy. There were times when I was frustrated when that trust translated into me waking up almost three hours early to go work for an hour before school, or coming in alone twice a day on Sundays and holidays to walk, feed, medicate and clean up after 30 plus dogs.
In the end, I loved it. It was a huge challenge and I was proud to take it on. Doc was a fantastic role model, a great teacher, and a wonderful boss.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Day 60 - Lisa
Lisa was my babysitter when I was around four when we lived in New Mexico. She was the daughter of close friend and colleague of my Dad. When our parents got together, she would set me up with 'Look Who's Talking' in her room. I thought that was the coolest thing. I got to lay on her bed, in her room, with the door shut and watch my favorite movie.
When we moved to Colorado, she would send me notes and birthday cards and stickers. She was the greatest. One time, she came through town with one of her friends around Easter and gave me this huge stuffed bunny rabbit. I named him Bun Bun, as I named all my rabbits.
When I was in high school, she got married. It was the most exciting wedding I have ever been to. I don't remember how old I was, but I'm pretty sure I shouldn't have been doing jell-o shots. Lisa looked really happy and now she has kids of her own. I have no doubt their mom is amazing.
Lisa is one of those people who genuinely loves kids. She goes out of her way for kids. I was lucky enough to be one of the kids she loved.
When we moved to Colorado, she would send me notes and birthday cards and stickers. She was the greatest. One time, she came through town with one of her friends around Easter and gave me this huge stuffed bunny rabbit. I named him Bun Bun, as I named all my rabbits.
When I was in high school, she got married. It was the most exciting wedding I have ever been to. I don't remember how old I was, but I'm pretty sure I shouldn't have been doing jell-o shots. Lisa looked really happy and now she has kids of her own. I have no doubt their mom is amazing.
Lisa is one of those people who genuinely loves kids. She goes out of her way for kids. I was lucky enough to be one of the kids she loved.
Day 59 - Lindsey
Lindsey was Keith's younger sister. I don't have a sister and I don't have any younger siblings. In fact, if I was around younger kids, it was probably because I was babysitting them. So, having a younger sister around was very new. Plus, she never bothered me as much as she bothered Keith.
I remember my oldest brother's first girlfriend as the coolest girl on earth. She taught me how to put my hair in a high side pony tail and was nice to me. She would tease my brother in front of me in a way that both he and I enjoyed it. She also gave me this little stuffed raccoon when we moved away with a note about how she would miss me.
I'm pretty sure I didn't have the same effect on Lindsey, but I always wanted to. I'd go into her room and talk ith her when Keith was finishing something up or busy with his parents. I tried to stick up for her when they were fighting and occasionally tease Keith like that girl used to tease my brother. She wasn't young enough to think the world of me, but Keith said she liked me.
Lindsey was a pretty cool little sister to have around for a couple years.
I remember my oldest brother's first girlfriend as the coolest girl on earth. She taught me how to put my hair in a high side pony tail and was nice to me. She would tease my brother in front of me in a way that both he and I enjoyed it. She also gave me this little stuffed raccoon when we moved away with a note about how she would miss me.
I'm pretty sure I didn't have the same effect on Lindsey, but I always wanted to. I'd go into her room and talk ith her when Keith was finishing something up or busy with his parents. I tried to stick up for her when they were fighting and occasionally tease Keith like that girl used to tease my brother. She wasn't young enough to think the world of me, but Keith said she liked me.
Lindsey was a pretty cool little sister to have around for a couple years.
Day 58 - William
William was Keith's best friend. I don't think he liked me. He was always silent when I was around and he didn't seem like a quite guy in general. In any movie or tv show he and Keith made, he was just as loud and obnoxious as Keith could be.
It bothered me that I couldn't be friends with Keith's friends, because he so easily fit in with all of my friends. I had a lot of theories on why William wouldn't like me. The strongest candidate was something that happened before Keith and I were together.
I think it was the end of our sophomore year and a group of us were sitting around Mr. Smith's classroom talking about what classes we were taking next year. At our high school there were levels of classes, which were (essentially): basic, advanced and for college credit; they were called 'L', 'K', and 'AP' because school administrators think it makes kids less aware of the levels. I don't remember the conversation exactly, but I know what I said. The 'L' classes I had been in were boring and I was always explaining what was going on to my peers. While talking about this I specifically remember saying the phrase, "L kids". It sounds awful, like I meant they were stupid and so beneath me. That's how William took it. He didn't shout at me, but he raised his voice and put me down for it. I felt horrible and tried to apologize and eat up my words. But you can't take back what's already out there.
It's possibly William just wasn't comfortable around me, or was a quiet guy unless the camera was on, but I'll always blame my stupid mouth.
It bothered me that I couldn't be friends with Keith's friends, because he so easily fit in with all of my friends. I had a lot of theories on why William wouldn't like me. The strongest candidate was something that happened before Keith and I were together.
I think it was the end of our sophomore year and a group of us were sitting around Mr. Smith's classroom talking about what classes we were taking next year. At our high school there were levels of classes, which were (essentially): basic, advanced and for college credit; they were called 'L', 'K', and 'AP' because school administrators think it makes kids less aware of the levels. I don't remember the conversation exactly, but I know what I said. The 'L' classes I had been in were boring and I was always explaining what was going on to my peers. While talking about this I specifically remember saying the phrase, "L kids". It sounds awful, like I meant they were stupid and so beneath me. That's how William took it. He didn't shout at me, but he raised his voice and put me down for it. I felt horrible and tried to apologize and eat up my words. But you can't take back what's already out there.
It's possibly William just wasn't comfortable around me, or was a quiet guy unless the camera was on, but I'll always blame my stupid mouth.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Day 57 - Keith
I've been putting off writing about Keith. I feel like there is too much to say, enough memories to keep me typing for days. Nothing will do justice to his impact on my life. As I begin to shape a blog about him in my head, nothing seems to fully express what went on. The words I want to use seem melodramatic and anti-climatic all at once. I'm sometimes afraid that what I had with Keith is too strong a litmus test for any relationship that follows; that this standard will be, in some ways, too hard to re-create. I want to make it clear that I'm not pinning for Keith. I am still a little in awe of what we shared.
There were times when I felt like Keith and I defined "couple". We spent an insane amount of time together. When we weren't together, we were writing notes, drawing pictures for each other, or talking on the phone. When that wasn't happening I was thinking about him and he claimed he did the same. Together, we became ultimately comfortable. We could do anything and be happy just being together. When we had classes together, we only rarely became 'that annoying couple'; but once in the halls, our fingers automatically intertwined and our feet fell into an easy pace.
It sounds obsessive, I know that. There were times when I thought he was too nice to me, too devoted. I was afraid of the strength of our love; however, I never felt smothered and rarely overwhelmed. We didn't rush into this state of bliss and it wasn't quick or easy escaping from it either. Near the end of high school, I could see the infinite possibilities of my future. I suddenly felt like every moment for the rest of my life was somehow already planned out and I was trapped. I thought Keith was the main thing that could actually dictate my future in a way that I couldn't control, and I freaked out.
I broke up with Keith before school ended; before prom and our senior trip, before all the moments we were supposed to joyously celebrate together. It was awful, but there was this strong feeling deep inside me that wouldn't relent. It was saying that breaking up was the right thing to do. I'm not positive it was the only way to move on with my life. I had this idea that transformations had to be complete, like butterflies from cocoons.
We don't really talk anymore. After we broke up, moved apart for college and began to heal, we just stopped communicating. I mean, I know where he is and vaguely what he is doing the way I know those vital stats about most of my friends who, frankly, meant less to me. Years ago I thought we stopped talking because we weren't meant to be or because our commonalities left with our relationship, but I'm not so sure anymore. I think really talking to Keith would still hurt in a way.
There were times when I felt like Keith and I defined "couple". We spent an insane amount of time together. When we weren't together, we were writing notes, drawing pictures for each other, or talking on the phone. When that wasn't happening I was thinking about him and he claimed he did the same. Together, we became ultimately comfortable. We could do anything and be happy just being together. When we had classes together, we only rarely became 'that annoying couple'; but once in the halls, our fingers automatically intertwined and our feet fell into an easy pace.
It sounds obsessive, I know that. There were times when I thought he was too nice to me, too devoted. I was afraid of the strength of our love; however, I never felt smothered and rarely overwhelmed. We didn't rush into this state of bliss and it wasn't quick or easy escaping from it either. Near the end of high school, I could see the infinite possibilities of my future. I suddenly felt like every moment for the rest of my life was somehow already planned out and I was trapped. I thought Keith was the main thing that could actually dictate my future in a way that I couldn't control, and I freaked out.
I broke up with Keith before school ended; before prom and our senior trip, before all the moments we were supposed to joyously celebrate together. It was awful, but there was this strong feeling deep inside me that wouldn't relent. It was saying that breaking up was the right thing to do. I'm not positive it was the only way to move on with my life. I had this idea that transformations had to be complete, like butterflies from cocoons.
We don't really talk anymore. After we broke up, moved apart for college and began to heal, we just stopped communicating. I mean, I know where he is and vaguely what he is doing the way I know those vital stats about most of my friends who, frankly, meant less to me. Years ago I thought we stopped talking because we weren't meant to be or because our commonalities left with our relationship, but I'm not so sure anymore. I think really talking to Keith would still hurt in a way.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Day 56 - Ms. Woolley
Ms. Woolley reignited my love of books. (An evil woman my freshman year squeezed it out of me.) She was my American Lit teacher my junior year. The class went along with Mr. V's American History as a super-challenging, amazingly interesting class called: American Studies.
Ms. Woolley made me appreciate and attempt to compare more books than I ever thought it possible to read in one year. She also taught me how to look for more authors based on books I already like. She described literature in an interesting, progressive way and let us choose practically any novel for our research papers. Like Mr. V, she did not put up with laziness. It was a good year for me. That year I worked harder and achieved more than I ever did before.
Ms. Woolley made me appreciate and attempt to compare more books than I ever thought it possible to read in one year. She also taught me how to look for more authors based on books I already like. She described literature in an interesting, progressive way and let us choose practically any novel for our research papers. Like Mr. V, she did not put up with laziness. It was a good year for me. That year I worked harder and achieved more than I ever did before.
Day 55 - Mr. Villamagna
Mr. V is the most passionate teacher I have yet to encounter. I took his American History I and II for college credit my junior year in high school, but he expected more than many college professors I came to know. He was medium height and build, had dark hair, glasses and a New York accent. He would scream, jump up and down, and bang chalk boards and desks with yard sticks to emphasize points.
This was the first class during which I actually read and mostly remembered both assigned texts. I read, took notes on, studied, and was quizzed on 26 chapters of the textbook, not to mention the second book Mr. V picked: Howard Zinn's A People's History of the United States. For a slacker student like me, who usually lucked-out in receiving mostly A's, it was surprising to need to actually work.
Mr. V demanded you stick to the reading schedule, answer insanely detailed questions from your notes and participate in lectures. He also had really clever writing assignments. I wrote my first (and only) bad history book review after half-reading three different books on the Kennedy's and I interviewed two different people to find their historic viewpoint and analyze it (which I still think is cool).
Mr. V made me work my ass off to get decent grades, and took the time to get to know me. We weren't best friends, but he knew what I was involved in, who I was dating and my general taste in music and movies. He was a blast. But none of that was factored into my grades, I had to work.
Mr. V is the reason most of college felt like a breeze. His was still one of the hardest classes I ever took.
This was the first class during which I actually read and mostly remembered both assigned texts. I read, took notes on, studied, and was quizzed on 26 chapters of the textbook, not to mention the second book Mr. V picked: Howard Zinn's A People's History of the United States. For a slacker student like me, who usually lucked-out in receiving mostly A's, it was surprising to need to actually work.
Mr. V demanded you stick to the reading schedule, answer insanely detailed questions from your notes and participate in lectures. He also had really clever writing assignments. I wrote my first (and only) bad history book review after half-reading three different books on the Kennedy's and I interviewed two different people to find their historic viewpoint and analyze it (which I still think is cool).
Mr. V made me work my ass off to get decent grades, and took the time to get to know me. We weren't best friends, but he knew what I was involved in, who I was dating and my general taste in music and movies. He was a blast. But none of that was factored into my grades, I had to work.
Mr. V is the reason most of college felt like a breeze. His was still one of the hardest classes I ever took.
Day 54 - Geoff
Geoff gave me my first and only bible. That is the biggest impact he had on my life. He took me to teen bible studies, gave me Five Iron Frenzy and other Christian teen music, but most importantly was that bible.
Geoff and I were in band together, but we really became close while we were in France. The very first day, our group toured the Eiffel tower. He and another girl and I were sitting in the gravel under the tower staring up in amazement while our group moved on. When we realized it, I was annoyed that a) we only spent 30 minutes at the Eiffel tower and b) the teachers couldn't count to 20 on the first day. We caught up to the group only five minutes later about 100 feet away and teacher looked surprised, then reprimanded us for lagging. She was so clueless.
Back to the point: Geoff and I spent a lot of time talking on that trip. There were hours and hours to pass sitting in a bus or walking through castles. Geoff could make me laugh, appreciated my jokes and we found a lot of similarities in our childhoods to talk about. We also talked about religion which I don't discuss with a lot of people. I told him in general, I wasn't interested in religion because of it's negative aspects, including the way the majority of my Christian peers behaved. He argued that religion is about a personal connection with God and I admitted I had never read the bible, but had always been curious.
One day that same summer after France, Christie was visiting and we were washing my car (still a new and fun activity) when Geoff called and asked if he could come over. He gave me an "Extreme Teen" bible and we chatted for a little while, then he left. I was a little weirded out, but Geoff never said I was wrong and he was right, or that finding God is the only search worth pursuing, or any other such narrow-minded comments that I usually found off-putting. He simply said I might want to read it.
I made a decision to read the entire bible that year.
I got half way through Genesis and quit.
Even though I have yet to read the entire bible, I still thumb through it from time to time and read the explanations and comments that accompany this version. I can't fully commit, but I find it sometimes interesting, sometimes provoking and sometimes calming. I still truly respect Geoff; I know he will do wonderful things in this world and be faithful to God throughout.
Geoff and I were in band together, but we really became close while we were in France. The very first day, our group toured the Eiffel tower. He and another girl and I were sitting in the gravel under the tower staring up in amazement while our group moved on. When we realized it, I was annoyed that a) we only spent 30 minutes at the Eiffel tower and b) the teachers couldn't count to 20 on the first day. We caught up to the group only five minutes later about 100 feet away and teacher looked surprised, then reprimanded us for lagging. She was so clueless.
Back to the point: Geoff and I spent a lot of time talking on that trip. There were hours and hours to pass sitting in a bus or walking through castles. Geoff could make me laugh, appreciated my jokes and we found a lot of similarities in our childhoods to talk about. We also talked about religion which I don't discuss with a lot of people. I told him in general, I wasn't interested in religion because of it's negative aspects, including the way the majority of my Christian peers behaved. He argued that religion is about a personal connection with God and I admitted I had never read the bible, but had always been curious.
One day that same summer after France, Christie was visiting and we were washing my car (still a new and fun activity) when Geoff called and asked if he could come over. He gave me an "Extreme Teen" bible and we chatted for a little while, then he left. I was a little weirded out, but Geoff never said I was wrong and he was right, or that finding God is the only search worth pursuing, or any other such narrow-minded comments that I usually found off-putting. He simply said I might want to read it.
I made a decision to read the entire bible that year.
I got half way through Genesis and quit.
Even though I have yet to read the entire bible, I still thumb through it from time to time and read the explanations and comments that accompany this version. I can't fully commit, but I find it sometimes interesting, sometimes provoking and sometimes calming. I still truly respect Geoff; I know he will do wonderful things in this world and be faithful to God throughout.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Day 53 - Andrea J
I met Andrea in French Class. We worked on a group project once and she basically had to write out my entire section phonetically. When we went to France, she, Michelle and I shared an hotel room together in Paris. The first thing we did was walk 15 blocks away to a liquor store and buy a bottle of something. Then, we proceeded to sneak it into our room and drink it, but then we were stuck with the bottle as evidence. We ended up putting it inside several bags and throwing it out a window into the alley. Kind of pathetic, really.
Another night, we decided we had to go out and party because we were 16 and that was the legal drinking age. We asked the cute French boy at the hotel desk what bar to go to, got on the subway, walked several blocks and entered some bar named after a Mustang. In some mangled French, we ordered beers. As I'm putting the bottle to my lips, the bartender asks how old we are. I tell him I'm soixante. After a few minutes of arguing about it, he took our beers away. Once we were outside Andrea says, "16 is seize; soixante is 60." O, well, I guess once we had been kicked out was the time to tell me that.
We tried to go clubbing twice. One night, we had to pick up old 'Roxbury' guys outside the club in order to get in because there were no "bands" allowed. We were turned away because our dress was too "sporty." On the way home on the bus we spoke to a guy who hated Americans because we are spoiled and ignorant. The next night, we dressed in the sluttiest clothes we had brought and the club was closed because it was some Catholic holiday. By the time we headed home, the buses had stopped running, and we had to take a ride with an unbelievably creepy taxi driver.
We continued to sneak out of most every hotel room we shared during our two weeks in France. If Andrea hadn't been there, I would have slept a full nine hours every night and have no stories to tell. Quelle tragédie!
Another night, we decided we had to go out and party because we were 16 and that was the legal drinking age. We asked the cute French boy at the hotel desk what bar to go to, got on the subway, walked several blocks and entered some bar named after a Mustang. In some mangled French, we ordered beers. As I'm putting the bottle to my lips, the bartender asks how old we are. I tell him I'm soixante. After a few minutes of arguing about it, he took our beers away. Once we were outside Andrea says, "16 is seize; soixante is 60." O, well, I guess once we had been kicked out was the time to tell me that.
We tried to go clubbing twice. One night, we had to pick up old 'Roxbury' guys outside the club in order to get in because there were no "bands" allowed. We were turned away because our dress was too "sporty." On the way home on the bus we spoke to a guy who hated Americans because we are spoiled and ignorant. The next night, we dressed in the sluttiest clothes we had brought and the club was closed because it was some Catholic holiday. By the time we headed home, the buses had stopped running, and we had to take a ride with an unbelievably creepy taxi driver.
We continued to sneak out of most every hotel room we shared during our two weeks in France. If Andrea hadn't been there, I would have slept a full nine hours every night and have no stories to tell. Quelle tragédie!
Friday, June 27, 2008
Day 52 - Lucas
I went to high school with Lucas. He was a year older than me, played tuba and was gay. I'm pretty sure he was the only person near my age who I knew was gay. Of course, at the time, the only other person who I personally knew and knew was definitely gay, was my uncle. Knowing my uncle is gay was never a big deal for me. There was no real discussion about it; he loved a man, not a woman, what's the big deal? I feel like I always knew. (In fact, I grew up not really understanding the "are they - aren't they" question. You loved who you loved, who cared?) So, the mere fact that Lucas was gay, was not, to me, a big deal; however, I did go to a school in white suburban Texas and the majority of my peers were born into a fairly strict Baptist environment. I don't think they shared my exact belief. I'm not sure how "out" Lucas was, mostly because I never asked. Teenagers talk, non-stop, and I had a vague understanding.
The summer after my sophomore year, I went to France with some of the members of my school's French Club. Lucas was one of about twenty of us. We flew to Paris and met up with two other school groups, both from the mid-west. Their Minnesota accents amused us and those of us who had Texas accents amused them, so the pronunciation of English words was brought up quite frequently. One night, we were walking down a street and we were again comparing words, in particular those that had a long 'A': 'tag', 'wag', 'bag', etc.
Maybe you can see where this is going?
I brought up the word 'fag'. I didn't do it to be malicious, but that is never the point. The point is I initiated a moment where 5 of more kids were walking down the street, taking turns saying, "fag" and giggling. I would liked to have erased the last five minutes, crawled into a hole and hidden out for weeks once I realized Lucas was yelling from behind me to stop. I tried, lamely, to explain that I did not necessarily mean the word when it refers to gays. I'm pretty sure I even brought up the fact that I could have meant a cigarette just like the one he was smoking. Again, that wasn't the point.
This is one instance when I used language I knew was not considerate, but only began to regret it once a friend called me out on it. I think most of us try not to, but tend to speak without completely considering our words. I know I still do. Someone who will confront you and ask if you were really thinking about what you said: those are the best people to surround yourself with.
The summer after my sophomore year, I went to France with some of the members of my school's French Club. Lucas was one of about twenty of us. We flew to Paris and met up with two other school groups, both from the mid-west. Their Minnesota accents amused us and those of us who had Texas accents amused them, so the pronunciation of English words was brought up quite frequently. One night, we were walking down a street and we were again comparing words, in particular those that had a long 'A': 'tag', 'wag', 'bag', etc.
Maybe you can see where this is going?
I brought up the word 'fag'. I didn't do it to be malicious, but that is never the point. The point is I initiated a moment where 5 of more kids were walking down the street, taking turns saying, "fag" and giggling. I would liked to have erased the last five minutes, crawled into a hole and hidden out for weeks once I realized Lucas was yelling from behind me to stop. I tried, lamely, to explain that I did not necessarily mean the word when it refers to gays. I'm pretty sure I even brought up the fact that I could have meant a cigarette just like the one he was smoking. Again, that wasn't the point.
This is one instance when I used language I knew was not considerate, but only began to regret it once a friend called me out on it. I think most of us try not to, but tend to speak without completely considering our words. I know I still do. Someone who will confront you and ask if you were really thinking about what you said: those are the best people to surround yourself with.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Day 51 - Jon
A few things I knew about Jon: he played trombone, his little sister was a hoot, he liked 311, The Beastie Boys and Blink 182, he had long fingers, his dirty blond hair was adorably curly and his family was of the Aggie persuasion. I liked Jon, I liked flirting with him. For me, he was just too cute to believe. I thought he would be a fun guy to date the summer after sophomore year.
I assumed it would start if we went to see X-men like we had vaguely talked about. My friend Christie was in town and we met Jon and Vince at Tinseltown to see the movie. It became clear through the experience that it wasn't going to happen. What a bummer.
It's going to sound conceited, but at least it'll be honest: Jon taught me that I wasn't going to get to date every guy I liked. That's not exactly what I mean. I never thought I could date anyone I pleased. I don't over estimate myself. There were unattainable crushes, but then there were boys you had a chance with.
So far in high school, if I liked a guy I had a chance with, I got a date out of it. It was like magic. But now, a chance did not guarantee anything. Yes, we could flirt and hint at something, but it might not work. Things had happened far too easily with David, I just assumed relationships appeared out of nowhere as soon as two people liked each other. O, silly, naive Andrea, that's just not the case. Stars have to align, planets need to shift, cupid must aim well. (Or something less romantic, but still dramatic.)
I assumed it would start if we went to see X-men like we had vaguely talked about. My friend Christie was in town and we met Jon and Vince at Tinseltown to see the movie. It became clear through the experience that it wasn't going to happen. What a bummer.
It's funny, but the nonchalant way I refer to the idea of dating Jon was really how I felt about it. If he had actually asked me out, I would have responded, "cool." It was a sign I didn't yet know to look for.
It's going to sound conceited, but at least it'll be honest: Jon taught me that I wasn't going to get to date every guy I liked. That's not exactly what I mean. I never thought I could date anyone I pleased. I don't over estimate myself. There were unattainable crushes, but then there were boys you had a chance with.
So far in high school, if I liked a guy I had a chance with, I got a date out of it. It was like magic. But now, a chance did not guarantee anything. Yes, we could flirt and hint at something, but it might not work. Things had happened far too easily with David, I just assumed relationships appeared out of nowhere as soon as two people liked each other. O, silly, naive Andrea, that's just not the case. Stars have to align, planets need to shift, cupid must aim well. (Or something less romantic, but still dramatic.)
Day 50 - John
John was sweet; goofy, but sweet. After Dave broke up with me, I was facing Band Banquet with no date. It wasn't a travesty; in fact, Laura and I had decided it would be good for me. John sat with Laura and I at lunch that year. He didn't have a date either, so we decided to go as friends. It was a nice, big group event. My friends and their dates all met at my house and then at the actual dance, you sit in a group of ten for dinner. John was sweet, so I had a good time.
A few weeks later, he told me he had such a good time with me. "Would you consider going to Prom with me?" Well, it seemed harmless, and fun. I don't remember much about pictures, dinner or the dance. The lock-in after prom party at the arcade, I do remember. I didn't spend a huge portion of it with John, because I knew a lot of other people there and he seemed fine hanging with his friends. I was Jon's and Vince's lucky charm at the poker tables, then we bowled a few rounds of speed bowling and rounded it all off with some arcade games. It was a blast!
After the after party, Megan, Bobby and all of them were going to Justin's parents' lake house to party through the weekend. Somehow, I convinced my parents I could go (I think Megan helped convince them, actually). Honestly, it was so much to take in. I was half-trying not to get caught alone with John, just in case, so I was meandering through and around a lake house alone. Wandering past scenes I had only seen in movies and sipping on rum and milk. The whole experience was very surreal. At one point there was a half-naked gorgegous man named Tyger dancing around the living room. I think I tried to teach him some dance move to the song that was on. Oh, Tyger.
Without John, I may have remained innocent to all sorts of party-related debauchery and drama all through high school.
A few weeks later, he told me he had such a good time with me. "Would you consider going to Prom with me?" Well, it seemed harmless, and fun. I don't remember much about pictures, dinner or the dance. The lock-in after prom party at the arcade, I do remember. I didn't spend a huge portion of it with John, because I knew a lot of other people there and he seemed fine hanging with his friends. I was Jon's and Vince's lucky charm at the poker tables, then we bowled a few rounds of speed bowling and rounded it all off with some arcade games. It was a blast!
After the after party, Megan, Bobby and all of them were going to Justin's parents' lake house to party through the weekend. Somehow, I convinced my parents I could go (I think Megan helped convince them, actually). Honestly, it was so much to take in. I was half-trying not to get caught alone with John, just in case, so I was meandering through and around a lake house alone. Wandering past scenes I had only seen in movies and sipping on rum and milk. The whole experience was very surreal. At one point there was a half-naked gorgegous man named Tyger dancing around the living room. I think I tried to teach him some dance move to the song that was on. Oh, Tyger.
Without John, I may have remained innocent to all sorts of party-related debauchery and drama all through high school.
Day 49 - Laura
I have this bad habit of comparing new people I meet with people I already know. In Laura's case, when I met her, I thought, "She's a lot like my friend, Erin." She was sweet, funny, friendly and religious. Of course, once I get to know the new people better I realize their differences, but essentially, something about them remains... well, in this case "Erin-ish". I find it endless interesting.
Laura was a great friend. We ate lunch together and took water breaks together during band. She had a birthday party with a Mary Kay demo once. It was so fun! She was much girlie and proper than me and I'd like to think some of it rubbed off on me. Laura was really the first girl with whom I had "girl-talks". She would fill me in on her boyfriend, and I'd reciprocate. We'd brainstorm reasons for their behavior or how we should proceed or why we would ever like the people we liked. I was there for her during the rough times and she offered help when I needed it. I also swore less when I was around Laura, which is always good.
All-in-all, Laura was a nice, steady, positive influence on me during a time when I was highly susceptible to influences of all kinds.
Laura was a great friend. We ate lunch together and took water breaks together during band. She had a birthday party with a Mary Kay demo once. It was so fun! She was much girlie and proper than me and I'd like to think some of it rubbed off on me. Laura was really the first girl with whom I had "girl-talks". She would fill me in on her boyfriend, and I'd reciprocate. We'd brainstorm reasons for their behavior or how we should proceed or why we would ever like the people we liked. I was there for her during the rough times and she offered help when I needed it. I also swore less when I was around Laura, which is always good.
All-in-all, Laura was a nice, steady, positive influence on me during a time when I was highly susceptible to influences of all kinds.
Day 48 - Ms. Durham
Ms. Durham was my biology teacher Sophomore year. She was fantastic! It's funny to place her right after Mr. Smith, because she was another non-traditional teacher. She would bring up inappropriate subject matter to explain biology. She never weirded me out, maybe it was because she was a woman.
I learned about how to soothe a sting from a jellyfish by peeing on it and how to remember the organization of living things: Kinky Perverts Come Over For Group Sex (Kingdom, Phylum, Class, Order, Family, Group, Sex). She also showed us videos with drunk animals, hermaphrodites, and other exciting phenomenon. Biology is the one science in High School I really remember and it's all because of Ms. Durham.
I learned about how to soothe a sting from a jellyfish by peeing on it and how to remember the organization of living things: Kinky Perverts Come Over For Group Sex (Kingdom, Phylum, Class, Order, Family, Group, Sex). She also showed us videos with drunk animals, hermaphrodites, and other exciting phenomenon. Biology is the one science in High School I really remember and it's all because of Ms. Durham.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Day 47 - Mr. Smith
Mr. Smith was fairly short, stout, wore round wire-framed glasses, had bright red, curly hair which was balding on top and tied back in a longish ponytail in the back. He was a pale Irishman who blushed easily and told inappropriate jokes while teaching history. A lot of my peers loved Mr. Smith because he wasn't a traditional teacher. He would begin a debate on censorship by complaining about Wal-mart bleeping out his Snoop Dogg CD. He listened to Snoop Dogg for the profanity, didn't everyone?
The off-putting thing about Mr. Smith for me was his sexism. He made awful, sexist jokes, specifically about one of our assistant principals. She was a tall, fairly attractive blond and when she would come into the room he'd make a joke and then go over and talk to her. Once she left he'd tell us something like, "She just promised to come over later tonight; I have some curtains I need hung." And laughter would rise up around me. Ugh.
He also had this bizarre touchy relationship with girls. Personally, he used to crack my knuckles. I never wanted to crack my knuckles or have him do it. He'd grab my hands and squeeze my fits until they popped. It was strange. Usually I would only talk to him outside of class when Keith wanted to talk to him.
I don't know if Mr. Smith crossed the line with anyone else. I'm not sure I would necessarily say he was sexually harassing me, but he was a dirty-minded fellow. He was the first dirty man I had to deal with. There have been countless more since him, but I learned the beginnings of how to silence them with a glare, weasel out of encounters without insulting them, and how to avoid them.
The off-putting thing about Mr. Smith for me was his sexism. He made awful, sexist jokes, specifically about one of our assistant principals. She was a tall, fairly attractive blond and when she would come into the room he'd make a joke and then go over and talk to her. Once she left he'd tell us something like, "She just promised to come over later tonight; I have some curtains I need hung." And laughter would rise up around me. Ugh.
He also had this bizarre touchy relationship with girls. Personally, he used to crack my knuckles. I never wanted to crack my knuckles or have him do it. He'd grab my hands and squeeze my fits until they popped. It was strange. Usually I would only talk to him outside of class when Keith wanted to talk to him.
I don't know if Mr. Smith crossed the line with anyone else. I'm not sure I would necessarily say he was sexually harassing me, but he was a dirty-minded fellow. He was the first dirty man I had to deal with. There have been countless more since him, but I learned the beginnings of how to silence them with a glare, weasel out of encounters without insulting them, and how to avoid them.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Day 46 - Jeff
Jeff was David's best friend. They had made a bet on the bus in NYC over me. I didn't find this out until I was really emotionally invested in Dave. Since I loved David and while he thought it was the best bet he'd ever won, was sorry, and Jeff laughed about it, I hated Jeff. I thought he was heartless and conniving.
Jeff is technically the reason David and I were ever together. In the end, I can't be too mad at Jeff. In fact, thanks Jeff.
Jeff is technically the reason David and I were ever together. In the end, I can't be too mad at Jeff. In fact, thanks Jeff.
Day 45 -David F
David was my first love. It's hard for me to rationalize my feelings for him. When I list attributes I liked about him, a large majority of guys could easily take his place. He was sweet, cute, funny, and respectful, but he was irreplaceable too.
I loved David, because when he looked in my eyes, I felt like we were looking directly into each other's hearts and it became difficult to breathe. I loved David because every time he held my hand, it tingled up my arm, down my spine and settled in the pit of my stomach. I loved David because anytime we kissed, the world melted away and time stood still. I know it sounds like a cliche movie, and my only defense is that movies are written that way for a reason.
I didn't know David until we were sitting across from each other on the band's tour bus in New York City. I feel like from the very moment we shared hello's we were inseparable. We walked through the Met together, he first held my hand while we were standing around Strawberry Fields in Central Park, he first kissed me on the ferry ride to Liberty Island, he first fed me in China Town, we sat next to each other at Les Miserables and on the flight home. It's a wonderful list for a movie montage.
He broke up with me a week after we got back to Houston, because he thought we were moving too fast. The next day, he called me to say he changed his mind. Not long after, he graduated and I went to all the graduation parties with him. We celebrated July Fourth early with a picnic, fireworks, a blanket and the stars in the park. (The mosquitoes were swarming too, inflicting bites which would become a long-running inside joke). The next day David flew to Ireland for nearly two months. It was dreadful, but we wrote to each other most everyday. We even kept odd hours to be able to IM. Sometime in late July, he IMed me to make sure I was by my phone. I answered before the first ring could sound. He only had a minute, but he couldn't wait to tell me anymore: He loved me! I couldn't believe it. I was giddy with joy and overflowing with excitement to return the sentiment.
By August, when I went to the airport with his family to pick him up, I was full thoughts and love for David. He was only home one week before he went to college in a town eight hours away, but we were committed to each other. He didn't come home often, so when he did it was amazing. The day after I turned 16 that December, I got a job where he worked so that we could spend the upcoming summer together. A couple weeks later, he sent me a note: "It's too hard" it began.
He broke up with me in the mail. I was devastated. I was distraught. I was destroyed.
I heard he had started dating someone in college and the timeline was a little hazy as far as any overlapping was concerned. My spring semester passed with depression, anger, bitterness and trying to get over him by dating someone else. That summer, I got my original wish: we were working together. I tricked myself into believing I could be his friend, but a part of me was still too in love. We flirted enough that our coworkers asked me if we were dating. I'd explained our history and they convinced me that he wanted me back. That final glimmer of hope fizzled out after several different near misses. The last nail in the coffin was driven in by a good date with a new guy with the beginnings of all the tingles and moments of suspended time.
David taught me nearly the entire spectrum of love. I'll never forget him.
I loved David, because when he looked in my eyes, I felt like we were looking directly into each other's hearts and it became difficult to breathe. I loved David because every time he held my hand, it tingled up my arm, down my spine and settled in the pit of my stomach. I loved David because anytime we kissed, the world melted away and time stood still. I know it sounds like a cliche movie, and my only defense is that movies are written that way for a reason.
I didn't know David until we were sitting across from each other on the band's tour bus in New York City. I feel like from the very moment we shared hello's we were inseparable. We walked through the Met together, he first held my hand while we were standing around Strawberry Fields in Central Park, he first kissed me on the ferry ride to Liberty Island, he first fed me in China Town, we sat next to each other at Les Miserables and on the flight home. It's a wonderful list for a movie montage.
He broke up with me a week after we got back to Houston, because he thought we were moving too fast. The next day, he called me to say he changed his mind. Not long after, he graduated and I went to all the graduation parties with him. We celebrated July Fourth early with a picnic, fireworks, a blanket and the stars in the park. (The mosquitoes were swarming too, inflicting bites which would become a long-running inside joke). The next day David flew to Ireland for nearly two months. It was dreadful, but we wrote to each other most everyday. We even kept odd hours to be able to IM. Sometime in late July, he IMed me to make sure I was by my phone. I answered before the first ring could sound. He only had a minute, but he couldn't wait to tell me anymore: He loved me! I couldn't believe it. I was giddy with joy and overflowing with excitement to return the sentiment.
By August, when I went to the airport with his family to pick him up, I was full thoughts and love for David. He was only home one week before he went to college in a town eight hours away, but we were committed to each other. He didn't come home often, so when he did it was amazing. The day after I turned 16 that December, I got a job where he worked so that we could spend the upcoming summer together. A couple weeks later, he sent me a note: "It's too hard" it began.
He broke up with me in the mail. I was devastated. I was distraught. I was destroyed.
I heard he had started dating someone in college and the timeline was a little hazy as far as any overlapping was concerned. My spring semester passed with depression, anger, bitterness and trying to get over him by dating someone else. That summer, I got my original wish: we were working together. I tricked myself into believing I could be his friend, but a part of me was still too in love. We flirted enough that our coworkers asked me if we were dating. I'd explained our history and they convinced me that he wanted me back. That final glimmer of hope fizzled out after several different near misses. The last nail in the coffin was driven in by a good date with a new guy with the beginnings of all the tingles and moments of suspended time.
David taught me nearly the entire spectrum of love. I'll never forget him.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Day 44 - Katherine
Katherine and I were usually bus buddies on game days. Katherine was quiet, but fun. I identified with that. With Katherine I could be just myself; I didn't have to try to impress her. She would say the most outrageous things to me and I'd be shocked into laughter. We shared a hotel room with Megan and Raeann when we were in New York for the band trip. We didn't sleep a lot that weekend. I think the curfew was 11 or 12, but we'd stay up hours later giggling and having Megan and Raeann hiss at us to go to sleep.
It's funny as I write about these people I got to know Freshmen year, but didn't really stay friends with. Mostly, I can't remember specific events that made us fall apart. It's not as if we walked passed each other in the halls without a smile, nod or hello. It's not as if we talked bad about each other. We just stopped making plans or calling each other, or confiding, giggling and venting together. I'm not sure what that's about. I'm finally beginning to understand that friendships are fragile relationships. Honestly, there is never any concrete thing keeping you tied into the contract. You have to work at it, continuously re-commit yourself to the friendship. Right?
It's funny as I write about these people I got to know Freshmen year, but didn't really stay friends with. Mostly, I can't remember specific events that made us fall apart. It's not as if we walked passed each other in the halls without a smile, nod or hello. It's not as if we talked bad about each other. We just stopped making plans or calling each other, or confiding, giggling and venting together. I'm not sure what that's about. I'm finally beginning to understand that friendships are fragile relationships. Honestly, there is never any concrete thing keeping you tied into the contract. You have to work at it, continuously re-commit yourself to the friendship. Right?
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Day 42 - David P
David was the lead snare drummer, funny and cute. Actually, I'm not sure that he was the lead my Freshman year because he was only a Junior, but he was still a staple of my band experience. David asked me to go to Homecoming... with Elliot. He didn't do it straight forwardly and was flirting with me up until the actual question. Elliot was adorable, but how can you remember his cute smile when you're staring into David's eyes and think there may be a chance to be with David if you say no to Elliot? Also, I had a feeling David was teasing me about Elliot. I honestly didn't see how Elliot could like me plus I thought there was some kind of moratorium on having someone else ask out a girl for you once in High School. David didn't ask me out, and my friend Tram ended up going with Elliot, which was secretly torturous for me.
Day 43 - Meghan
I met Meghan in the required Health class of Freshman year. That class involves all the usual things you'd imagine it would: STD's, reproductive organ diagrams, birthing videos, anti-drug campaigns, drunk goggles. Basically, there was a lot to bond over. She took me on my first trip to Astroworld on Halloween with her best friend. We went through a clown haunted house. It was my first haunted house and we got separated. I ended up clinging to the man behind me and I don't think his date appreciated it. After we escaped the psycho clowns, Meghan and Allison wanted to try the bigger, scarier haunted house. I stayed outside and scared myself just listening to the screams and chainsaw motors.
Meghan and I were good at entertaining each other in almost any situation. We'd spend hours playing around in K-mart, or sitting in her room listening to music. We were never in the same class again and she did cheerleading outside of school and choir and I did band (and only band). We still got together fairly regularly and even went to Disney world after graduation. Since high school, Meg visited Oklahoma (which is loyalty) and we've had some crazy nights out in Austin and in Houston and had one of the slowest river floats of my life.
Meghan and I were good at entertaining each other in almost any situation. We'd spend hours playing around in K-mart, or sitting in her room listening to music. We were never in the same class again and she did cheerleading outside of school and choir and I did band (and only band). We still got together fairly regularly and even went to Disney world after graduation. Since high school, Meg visited Oklahoma (which is loyalty) and we've had some crazy nights out in Austin and in Houston and had one of the slowest river floats of my life.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Day 41 - Mrs. Forester
This will be my last post about my first hour class freshman year, I promise. Ms. Forester was the teacher. She was a little less than put together and had thick, thick glasses, but was sweet and soft-spoken. She was an easy target for The Heathers. Pretty far into the year, we enter the classroom to find Ms. Forester sitting on a stool in front of the class looking awful. While trying to tell us her husband left her and her two sons the night before, she started sobbing and left the classroom. Ugh. My heart broke and went out to her.
The Heathers started laughing as soon as the door closed behind Ms. Forester. It was the first time I truly stood up against them. I still can't imagine trying to explain such a terrible experience to 25 fourteen year olds, half of whom you know already look for excuses to make fun of you.
By the end of the year, I had become closer to Ms. Forester than most of her other students. It was always a shaky relationship, but I felt such a kinship with her. I felt we were kindred spirits trying to put up with the same awful people our first year in this huge school. I stopped by her classroom occasionally throughout my four years at Cy Creek. She got to leave the entry-level freshman classes and took on sophomores and Juniors in Chemistry, I believe.
My Senior year, I read somewhere (or someone suggested it and I actually listened) that writing notes to teachers who really impacted you would be nice. Mrs. Forester was one of the first ones I wrote. She stopped me in the hall my last week looking ecstatic and thanked me a dozen times. I don't think I have ever felt more appreciated for doing such a small thing. It's a lesson I've lost sight of, and I'm glad I thought of it today.
The Heathers started laughing as soon as the door closed behind Ms. Forester. It was the first time I truly stood up against them. I still can't imagine trying to explain such a terrible experience to 25 fourteen year olds, half of whom you know already look for excuses to make fun of you.
By the end of the year, I had become closer to Ms. Forester than most of her other students. It was always a shaky relationship, but I felt such a kinship with her. I felt we were kindred spirits trying to put up with the same awful people our first year in this huge school. I stopped by her classroom occasionally throughout my four years at Cy Creek. She got to leave the entry-level freshman classes and took on sophomores and Juniors in Chemistry, I believe.
My Senior year, I read somewhere (or someone suggested it and I actually listened) that writing notes to teachers who really impacted you would be nice. Mrs. Forester was one of the first ones I wrote. She stopped me in the hall my last week looking ecstatic and thanked me a dozen times. I don't think I have ever felt more appreciated for doing such a small thing. It's a lesson I've lost sight of, and I'm glad I thought of it today.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Day 40 - Ben
If you haven't, please read Day 39. Now, imagine a beautiful, smart, funny, sweet jock-type guy sitting two seats behind me. That's Ben, first hour's saving grace. I never thought I had a chance with Ben, and that allowed me to act normally around him. He was "friends" with The Heathers, but would argue with them and stand up for those they tore down. He did it in a way that made them like him more. He was so great.
We were basic acquaintances. When we worked on class projects together, it was enjoyable and when we got stuck on worksheets, we helped each other out. We weren't friends and I was actually surprised the first time he said my name. I didn't think he knew my name.
All four years of high school and Ben never failed to impress me. He always remembered my name even though we never had another class together and shared no mutual friends or activities. Anytime we made eye contact in the hall, he'd say hello. For me, Ben was the poster boy for sweet, smart jocks who didn't let it go to their heads.
We were basic acquaintances. When we worked on class projects together, it was enjoyable and when we got stuck on worksheets, we helped each other out. We weren't friends and I was actually surprised the first time he said my name. I didn't think he knew my name.
All four years of high school and Ben never failed to impress me. He always remembered my name even though we never had another class together and shared no mutual friends or activities. Anytime we made eye contact in the hall, he'd say hello. For me, Ben was the poster boy for sweet, smart jocks who didn't let it go to their heads.
Day 39 - The Heathers
My first class the first day in a high school where I only knew band kids and I met them just weeks earlier was Integrated Physics and Chemistry. I was retaking it because my middle school called it something different. There were no band kids in this class and I was flanked by Heathers. I'm not being clever. There was a blond Heather to my left and a blonder Heather to my right and of course they were friends. They were awful, mean-spirited girls who gossiped, made fun of everyone loudly and copied off of me.
During that first class, I was thinking how the move to Texas was a terrible mistake and the nice kids in band were a fluke not to be repeated. Heather on the left was talking about softball try-outs and how she was sure she, Jennifer, Lauren, Becky and Megan were going to make it, but hoped Rachel didn't. "Rachel's a bitch and the girls from Bammel Junior High are sluts, dontcha think?" Heather on the right was listing off the parties she had gone to that summer, the guys who had been there and the unbelievably lame girls who tried to go. "I mean, they didn't even bring their own drinks!"
I had been considering trying out for softball and had even considered having a social life up until those first five minutes.
The Heathers influenced my first year more than I'd like to admit. The initial shock wore off, but I never tried-out for softball, and I avoided the party people like the plague. On the plus side, I became really good at the under-handed snide come-back and covering my answers.
During that first class, I was thinking how the move to Texas was a terrible mistake and the nice kids in band were a fluke not to be repeated. Heather on the left was talking about softball try-outs and how she was sure she, Jennifer, Lauren, Becky and Megan were going to make it, but hoped Rachel didn't. "Rachel's a bitch and the girls from Bammel Junior High are sluts, dontcha think?" Heather on the right was listing off the parties she had gone to that summer, the guys who had been there and the unbelievably lame girls who tried to go. "I mean, they didn't even bring their own drinks!"
I had been considering trying out for softball and had even considered having a social life up until those first five minutes.
The Heathers influenced my first year more than I'd like to admit. The initial shock wore off, but I never tried-out for softball, and I avoided the party people like the plague. On the plus side, I became really good at the under-handed snide come-back and covering my answers.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Day 38 - Matt
I must admit: I suck at turning down guys. I was terrible at it in middle school (including one time, when I said yes, ran away, and called him after school to say I had made a mistake). I was bad at it in high school (as this entry will illustrate). Luckily, with some help, I began to learn in college (believe me, stories are on their way). Now, I can generally get the point across, but I know I still perform at a beginner's level. My worst high school experience was with Matt.
Matt asked me to go to Band Banquet with him my freshman year. Band Banquet is just what you think it is; it's a banquet held in the spring for band members to dress up, dance, and celebrate the past year. It was my first dance, because I didn't go to Homecoming (which is another story with the opposite lesson). I accepted because Matt was nice and I knew it meant I'd be with Megan, Bobby and all of them at the banquet. I remember that taking the pictures was a little awkward, but I don't remember a lot of moments we shared that night. I'm not even sure how much we danced together. I do remember that Lezlie Walla had the hottest date and it was a much-talked about occurrence.
After the dance, it became clear Matt thought something was starting between us and I didn't really want there to be. He asked me out one Friday night and I told him I wasn't sure, because I thought I was doing something with Tram. I told him to call me after school and we'd see. I basically was trying to postpone the inevitable. Tram and I went out and saw a movie and I never got a call from Matt.
When I returned home that night, I was so excited; I thought I had dodged the bullet.
No such luck. Matt showed up at my house, expecting to take me out. No call, just showed up. I guess he thought I was playing hard to get, or he misunderstood, I don't know. My parents were pissed! I was yelled at, and even worse, I was told how disappointed they were in me. "We didn't raise you to make plans with someone and stand them up!" I was grounded and forced to call Matt and apologize.
The saga does not end there. I think the guilt my parents and Matt's friends were laying on me was powerful and I can only assume my apology was amazing, because he started driving me home more often. By the time the band went to New York a couple weeks later, Matt was hopeful again. He arranged it so we'd be sitting next to each other on the flight. He tried to hold my hand several times and I tried to keep my hands in a constant state of movement: holding a magazine, playing with the tray, turning on and off the lights, adjusting my clothes, chewing my nails, sitting on my hands. Houston to New York is a five hour flight. I'm sure I looked spastic, but I avoided his hand.
I could not get to my girls-only hotel room fast enough that night and was counting my lucky stars Matt was not on my bus the rest of the trip. I didn't know him at the time, but Dave ended up being on my bus. He'll be his own entry, but the short version is, I was happily holding his hand on the flight home and Matt was floored by the development.
I had chosen the absolute harshest form of rejection. I have tried never to repeat all of the mistakes I made with Matt (of which there are even more I didn't tell). I still feel guilty for the way I treated him. Whenever I think telling someone 'no' will be harsh, I remember it could be a lot worse.
Matt asked me to go to Band Banquet with him my freshman year. Band Banquet is just what you think it is; it's a banquet held in the spring for band members to dress up, dance, and celebrate the past year. It was my first dance, because I didn't go to Homecoming (which is another story with the opposite lesson). I accepted because Matt was nice and I knew it meant I'd be with Megan, Bobby and all of them at the banquet. I remember that taking the pictures was a little awkward, but I don't remember a lot of moments we shared that night. I'm not even sure how much we danced together. I do remember that Lezlie Walla had the hottest date and it was a much-talked about occurrence.
After the dance, it became clear Matt thought something was starting between us and I didn't really want there to be. He asked me out one Friday night and I told him I wasn't sure, because I thought I was doing something with Tram. I told him to call me after school and we'd see. I basically was trying to postpone the inevitable. Tram and I went out and saw a movie and I never got a call from Matt.
When I returned home that night, I was so excited; I thought I had dodged the bullet.
No such luck. Matt showed up at my house, expecting to take me out. No call, just showed up. I guess he thought I was playing hard to get, or he misunderstood, I don't know. My parents were pissed! I was yelled at, and even worse, I was told how disappointed they were in me. "We didn't raise you to make plans with someone and stand them up!" I was grounded and forced to call Matt and apologize.
The saga does not end there. I think the guilt my parents and Matt's friends were laying on me was powerful and I can only assume my apology was amazing, because he started driving me home more often. By the time the band went to New York a couple weeks later, Matt was hopeful again. He arranged it so we'd be sitting next to each other on the flight. He tried to hold my hand several times and I tried to keep my hands in a constant state of movement: holding a magazine, playing with the tray, turning on and off the lights, adjusting my clothes, chewing my nails, sitting on my hands. Houston to New York is a five hour flight. I'm sure I looked spastic, but I avoided his hand.
I could not get to my girls-only hotel room fast enough that night and was counting my lucky stars Matt was not on my bus the rest of the trip. I didn't know him at the time, but Dave ended up being on my bus. He'll be his own entry, but the short version is, I was happily holding his hand on the flight home and Matt was floored by the development.
I had chosen the absolute harshest form of rejection. I have tried never to repeat all of the mistakes I made with Matt (of which there are even more I didn't tell). I still feel guilty for the way I treated him. Whenever I think telling someone 'no' will be harsh, I remember it could be a lot worse.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Day 37 - Taylor
Taylor was someone I met through Justin. It's hard to describe him exactly. He had an air about him that was off-putting and fascinating all at once. We had a relaxed acquaintanceship. We would exchange pleasantries and occasionally make jokes or mention a personal matter, but not much of substance.
I got Taylor in trouble with the cops. I'm still confused as to how it really happened because we weren't allowed to talk about it exactly. See, he sent me this prank e-mail. I don't remember what it said exactly, but I'm pretty sure it was creepy and threatening. I was positive it was him and I wanted to get revenge. I wrote a threatening e-mail back. Innocent fun, right?
Wrong. Taylor failed to tell me how overly protective his mom was. She read my e-mail, freaked out and called the cops. They came to his house and asked who wrote him the message. He wouldn't tell them and got in trouble.
He was pissed at me, which I still think is unfair.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Day 36 - Bobby
Megan's cool boyfriend I mentioned in the last post? That's Bobby. Bobby was freakin' hilarious and had adorable dimples. He and Megan were like "the" couple in my eyes. Bobby and I never fell into an easy friendship. It was clear when we were in the same group, it was because of Megan, and that was okay.
Megan and I would get to school sort of early and head to the band hall where most of our friends hung out before class. Megan sat around with Bobby, his friends, Matt, Doughty and Justin, and her friend Renee. Some mornings I'd sit with them and they were always laughing and goofing around. It was fun; they were fun.
After a several weeks, it was suggested in a teasing way that I should be careful who I hung out with, because some people just weren't cool. They were referring to Justin's crowd and it annoyed me. I stood up for them in a calculated way. I wanted to be friends with everybody (at least everybody who was fun and nice to me) so I didn't make waves.
Sometimes, I wish I had made waves.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Day 34 - Tram
Tram and I became "best friends forever" really quickly. She played french horn and we each had English as the last class of the day. She was constantly laughing and spazzing out and was generally really entertaining. She had a lot of catch phrases and nicknames and we had an enormous amount of inside jokes. She was a social butterfly, but always claimed I was the popular one (so not true, by the way).
I used to get on AIM when I was in middle school a couple times a week, but when I moved to Texas I was almost constantly online. I say this because Tram was also almost always online too. We would hang out at each other's house, or the mall, or see a movie or something at least once a week and would be chatting online the rest of the time. We went to San Antonio twice, no three times: once with my parents, once with her parents and once on a band trip.
The trip with her parents was really interesting for me. I haven't mention it yet, but Tram is Vietnamese and her parents are first generation Americans. She spoke Vietnamese before she spoke English which I always thought was cool. Her parents were really strict with her, but not so much with her older brother, and they weren't around a lot. So, a trip to San Antonio with them was exciting to me. I learned an important loyalty lesson that weekend which every other teenager must know inherently: if your friend thinks her parents are lame, then you must treat them accordingly. It was hard, because Tram's dad wanted to go to these haunted railroad tracks. How cool is that?
Apparently, not cool at all. I didn't know. I wasn't good at being rude to other people's parents. Mine? Sure, when it seemed necessary, but my friends' parents? I lacked the gene.
Tram and I did a lot together those four years. We went through braces, crushes and first dates, mean people, becoming staff and officers of the band and getting our letter jackets as sophomores. We grew apart pretty naturally. She did student council (see? popular) and I did computer science and math competitions. We stopped being in the same level of band and the same classes.
Tram also did some things which I never really investigated fully because I didn't consider it worth the trouble, but angered me nevertheless. Tram hung out with guys, but she was a girl's girl. She talked behind people's backs, spread rumors, and occassionaly manipulated people. I don't want to infer that she was a mean girl, or that the majority of girls don't do this. I'm also not claiming complete innocence; that would be a lie. It's possible she was harboring some resentment towards me. I'll admit when I was in a relationship, I neglected my friends. It's totally valid to be mad at me for it.
So much time has passed that I don't want to hash out old, silly problems, I even feel guilty for vaguely mentioning them. But I was honestly shocked each and every time Tram did something to make me feel angry and betrayed. In some ways, my friendship with Tram also taught me how some friends have to be kept at an arm's length for self-sufficiency.
I used to get on AIM when I was in middle school a couple times a week, but when I moved to Texas I was almost constantly online. I say this because Tram was also almost always online too. We would hang out at each other's house, or the mall, or see a movie or something at least once a week and would be chatting online the rest of the time. We went to San Antonio twice, no three times: once with my parents, once with her parents and once on a band trip.
The trip with her parents was really interesting for me. I haven't mention it yet, but Tram is Vietnamese and her parents are first generation Americans. She spoke Vietnamese before she spoke English which I always thought was cool. Her parents were really strict with her, but not so much with her older brother, and they weren't around a lot. So, a trip to San Antonio with them was exciting to me. I learned an important loyalty lesson that weekend which every other teenager must know inherently: if your friend thinks her parents are lame, then you must treat them accordingly. It was hard, because Tram's dad wanted to go to these haunted railroad tracks. How cool is that?
Apparently, not cool at all. I didn't know. I wasn't good at being rude to other people's parents. Mine? Sure, when it seemed necessary, but my friends' parents? I lacked the gene.
Tram and I did a lot together those four years. We went through braces, crushes and first dates, mean people, becoming staff and officers of the band and getting our letter jackets as sophomores. We grew apart pretty naturally. She did student council (see? popular) and I did computer science and math competitions. We stopped being in the same level of band and the same classes.
Tram also did some things which I never really investigated fully because I didn't consider it worth the trouble, but angered me nevertheless. Tram hung out with guys, but she was a girl's girl. She talked behind people's backs, spread rumors, and occassionaly manipulated people. I don't want to infer that she was a mean girl, or that the majority of girls don't do this. I'm also not claiming complete innocence; that would be a lie. It's possible she was harboring some resentment towards me. I'll admit when I was in a relationship, I neglected my friends. It's totally valid to be mad at me for it.
So much time has passed that I don't want to hash out old, silly problems, I even feel guilty for vaguely mentioning them. But I was honestly shocked each and every time Tram did something to make me feel angry and betrayed. In some ways, my friendship with Tram also taught me how some friends have to be kept at an arm's length for self-sufficiency.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Day 33 - Megan V
My dad called her 'Mustang Megan'. She drove a mustang and her name was Megan; yes, my dad is clever. Megan drove me home from band a lot and eventually offered to drive me to school in the mornings. After a couple weeks riding the awful bus that took five times longer than driving, I was beyond excited to get a ride. It wasn't just any ride either. As I said, Megan drove a mustang called 'el diablo azul'. And she was seriously involved with one of the coolest guys in band. She also was fun.
So fun. She was a bit of a morning person and usually sang along with the radio or CD on the way to school. She always threw out her arm for the "soccer mom seat belt" when stopping too fast. She also ate while driving. Most people choose easy snack-like breakfasts for commuting. Megan chose cereal. The route to school was this exciting, winding, narrow road with deep ditches on each side. Megan would calmly spoon cereal into her mouth while zooming around the curves. Mornings with a heavy fog or when she borrowed her mom's standard car were the most invigorating.
Once, on the same road, we came upon a flipped car lying in the ditch. Megan immediately stopped. Luckily someone else also just stopped and we pulled over to ask them if they knew anything about the car. Turns out it had just flipped, the girl was out and fine and a tow truck and paramedic were both on their way. Megan didn't have to that morning, but I had no doubt she had it in her to save someones life. Megan was a strong woman, not afraid to have fun in every way possible, but still very responsible.
So fun. She was a bit of a morning person and usually sang along with the radio or CD on the way to school. She always threw out her arm for the "soccer mom seat belt" when stopping too fast. She also ate while driving. Most people choose easy snack-like breakfasts for commuting. Megan chose cereal. The route to school was this exciting, winding, narrow road with deep ditches on each side. Megan would calmly spoon cereal into her mouth while zooming around the curves. Mornings with a heavy fog or when she borrowed her mom's standard car were the most invigorating.
Once, on the same road, we came upon a flipped car lying in the ditch. Megan immediately stopped. Luckily someone else also just stopped and we pulled over to ask them if they knew anything about the car. Turns out it had just flipped, the girl was out and fine and a tow truck and paramedic were both on their way. Megan didn't have to that morning, but I had no doubt she had it in her to save someones life. Megan was a strong woman, not afraid to have fun in every way possible, but still very responsible.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Day 32 - Justin P
There was a huge amount of people in band who reached out to me. I felt so welcomed. Justin
really went above and beyond. He was kind of the leader of his friends and he introduced me to them. When the leader introduces you, the others give you the benefit of the doubt. So, I had this instant group of friends. They were so different from anyone I had hung out with before. A majority of these kids were into at least one of the following: Astrology, Wicca, D & D, anime, various forms of martial arts, swords, back massages, and TV shows and movies I had never seen. I do think I got in with them partially because I knew: The Princess Bride, Legend, Mystery Science Theatre 3000, some off-color nerdy jokes (one of which I accidentally left on my parent's answering machine) and I didn't judge them.
During that first semester I developed quite a crush on Justin. (What can I say? I'm a bit boy-crazy.) Justin was unbelievably sweet and funny, not to mention he drove, gave great back rubs and should I reiterate he was the leader? I wanted to be the Buttercup to his Westley. Aside from one movie night at his house when we shared a lazy-boy reclining chair during a movie which I can't remember because I was too excited to be cuddling with Justin, we were not meant to be.
Even once I fell out with his crowd, Justin remained a good friend. After he graduated, I heard he had a wonderful Renaissance themed wedding with this sweet girl he started dating when I was a sophomore. They're still together, living in Texas and it makes me happy to know Justin found his Buttercup.
really went above and beyond. He was kind of the leader of his friends and he introduced me to them. When the leader introduces you, the others give you the benefit of the doubt. So, I had this instant group of friends. They were so different from anyone I had hung out with before. A majority of these kids were into at least one of the following: Astrology, Wicca, D & D, anime, various forms of martial arts, swords, back massages, and TV shows and movies I had never seen. I do think I got in with them partially because I knew: The Princess Bride, Legend, Mystery Science Theatre 3000, some off-color nerdy jokes (one of which I accidentally left on my parent's answering machine) and I didn't judge them.
During that first semester I developed quite a crush on Justin. (What can I say? I'm a bit boy-crazy.) Justin was unbelievably sweet and funny, not to mention he drove, gave great back rubs and should I reiterate he was the leader? I wanted to be the Buttercup to his Westley. Aside from one movie night at his house when we shared a lazy-boy reclining chair during a movie which I can't remember because I was too excited to be cuddling with Justin, we were not meant to be.
Even once I fell out with his crowd, Justin remained a good friend. After he graduated, I heard he had a wonderful Renaissance themed wedding with this sweet girl he started dating when I was a sophomore. They're still together, living in Texas and it makes me happy to know Justin found his Buttercup.
Day 31 - Kris
Ms. Kim hired Kris to teach intermediate and advanced tap. Kris was a great teacher.
She was in her early twenties, had a third-degree black belt and her fiancee had a second-degree black belt. She also happened to be a phenomenal tap dancer. There were five of us in her advanced II tap class, we were all in middle school, but I was the youngest. The beginning of every class we'd stretch and talk about the past week and listen to whatever new record Kris had found or rediscovered. She would usually let us have a say in what song we would work on next. It was a really laid-back, but goal-oriented class.
Once, she took us to see a performance of 'Tap Dogs'. They were so inspiring and funny. It's rare to see tap dancing these days, especially when you're 12. It was the perfect thing to see five grown men doing it on a stage in front of thousands.
After that, my class went on to compete in a few things. We got third once. It was scary really. Kris was there through all of it. Encouraging us, listening to our stories and suggestions, laughing with us, but not taking any excuses for us not learning something.
She was in her early twenties, had a third-degree black belt and her fiancee had a second-degree black belt. She also happened to be a phenomenal tap dancer. There were five of us in her advanced II tap class, we were all in middle school, but I was the youngest. The beginning of every class we'd stretch and talk about the past week and listen to whatever new record Kris had found or rediscovered. She would usually let us have a say in what song we would work on next. It was a really laid-back, but goal-oriented class.
Once, she took us to see a performance of 'Tap Dogs'. They were so inspiring and funny. It's rare to see tap dancing these days, especially when you're 12. It was the perfect thing to see five grown men doing it on a stage in front of thousands.
After that, my class went on to compete in a few things. We got third once. It was scary really. Kris was there through all of it. Encouraging us, listening to our stories and suggestions, laughing with us, but not taking any excuses for us not learning something.
Friday, June 6, 2008
Day 30 - Ms. Kim
As I was watching a Michael Clark dance performance this evening I realized I forgot to write about Ms. Kim. Ms Kim was my all-purpose dance teacher. She taught me ballet, tap and briefly jazz (I was bad at jazz).
Ms. Kim also gave me my very first job outside of babysitting. When I was 10 or so she asked me to be her assistant for the youngest class. I was in charge of walking 15 four year-olds from the daycare across the street to the dance studio every Wednesday afternoon. Then, I would help teach ballet. It was so fun. I got paid 35 dollars a week.
It was short-lived. A few of the parents were concerned that a girl my age was crossing the street with their small kids. Ms Kim seemed genuinely apologetic when she fired me.
I spent an average of two nights a week for seven years at Ms. Kim's Dance Academy and I loved it. Until I stupidly decided it as uncool and quit (which Ms. Kim was wisely against).
Ms. Kim also gave me my very first job outside of babysitting. When I was 10 or so she asked me to be her assistant for the youngest class. I was in charge of walking 15 four year-olds from the daycare across the street to the dance studio every Wednesday afternoon. Then, I would help teach ballet. It was so fun. I got paid 35 dollars a week.
It was short-lived. A few of the parents were concerned that a girl my age was crossing the street with their small kids. Ms Kim seemed genuinely apologetic when she fired me.
I spent an average of two nights a week for seven years at Ms. Kim's Dance Academy and I loved it. Until I stupidly decided it as uncool and quit (which Ms. Kim was wisely against).
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Day 29 - Valerie C
Valerie was the head of the sax section and therefore, my leader. She was a perfect person to have as a role model. She was really smart and funny and knew how to be in control and flirt. She also dated Dave Peterson, who was like, one of the hottest guys in band and a drummer. Of course I looked up to Valerie.
She gave me my first nickname: Amy Jo. Supposedly, I looked like a girl who graduated the year before with that name. My first year in band that was my name. I didn't really fight it, it was kind of liberating. As the years went by, it became a joke to tell freshmen that was my name. (It doesn't sound funny now.) It also was a pretty handy way to see who was actually my friend. By the time I graduated, there were still people who thought my real name was Amy Jo.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Day 28 - Guidance Counselor
(I'm stretching a bit here, because I don't remember this woman's name.)
When Mom took me to Cy-Creek High School to enroll a few weeks before school started. We met with a guidance counselor to set up my class schedule and four-year plan. She was looking over my transcripts from middle school and noticed I was in band. With barely a word to me, she picked up her phone. Before I could fully realize who she was talking to, she was hanging up and telling me I could head down to the band hall once we were done. The band director thought it would be fine for me to start late. Wasn't I lucky?
What!?! I wanted to yell at her, "I don't want to be in band!" I could feel my throat constricting. I didn't want to be a band nerd in high school, no way! And that's what I told my mom while we walked towards the band hall. She convinced me that we could just talk to the directors and if I didn't want to, I could tell them so or quit later. Stupid voice of reason.
Of course, the directors were nice and the upper class men who were there to help out over the summer were friendly and seemed cool.
Ugh. I joined band. And I loved it. It shaped my high school experience more than most other paths I went down in those four years. I wouldn't have been a band nerd if it hadn't been for the assumption and quick phone skills of that guidance counselor.
Day 27 - Aunt Susan
So, in case you haven't read the previous posts closely, or at all; I'd like to make one point clear: I was in denial about moving to Houston. It hit me once everything was unpacked and organized and I had two empty months before school started. That first month is really a blur in my memory. I spent a lot of time online or watching TV until the early morning and then I napped almost all day.
My parents saw I needed to escape and that our family vacation wasn't coming soon enough. They flew me up to Massachusetts a week early to stay with my dad's sister Susan. That summer I learned how valuable family is.
Susan, her husband and three kids were there for me when I needed family like never before. It didn't take much, they didn't have extravagant plans for me, in fact, they were busy with their own lives. They did all the little things that show you care about someone. The change of scenery and some loving family support was sufficient to knock me out of my funk.
My parents saw I needed to escape and that our family vacation wasn't coming soon enough. They flew me up to Massachusetts a week early to stay with my dad's sister Susan. That summer I learned how valuable family is.
Susan, her husband and three kids were there for me when I needed family like never before. It didn't take much, they didn't have extravagant plans for me, in fact, they were busy with their own lives. They did all the little things that show you care about someone. The change of scenery and some loving family support was sufficient to knock me out of my funk.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Day 26 - My brother Matt
Matt is four years older than me. My bus drivers and teachers always knew my last name the first day of school; it wasn't with fond memories either. Matt did (and still does) outrageous things that become standard stories among our family and friends. When Matt started high school he had the normal growth spurt that suddenly made him tall, dark, handsome and as an added bonus to most girls: dangerous. My friends always gushed over how cute he was. 'My So-Called Life' was popular around the same time and Matt resembled Jordan Catalano. With the exception of watching 'Billy Madison' and 'Dust Till Dawn' practically non-stop one summer, we grew apart those years he became cool.
He graduated from high school the year my dad was transferred to Houston. He was going to University of Colorado in the Fall, so he wasn't technically moving with us, but he did drive down and stay with us that summer. I finally felt like Matt and I were bonding as grown-up siblings on that drive down South. For the majority of the trip, my parents drove one car, Matt drove the other and I rode shot-gun. We joked and argued and I felt like he was really listening to me.
The biggest impact Matt has had on my life thus far, was to steer me away from making bad choices when experimenting with drugs. We had a long talk one night when he was living in Houston for a semester. Essentially, I promised not to do anything stupid. It was the perfect out anytime someone offered me something.
"No thanks, I promised my brother."
Monday, June 2, 2008
Day 25 - Christie Hofmockel
Christie is hard to blog about; in fact, I've been putting it off. To fully express how Christie has impacted my life, I would be sitting in front of my laptop for weeks or more. I grew up with Christie. I learned an enormous amount from her and her family and just being a part of such a close friendship.
Christie and I laughed, cried, and fought; she was the closest thing I had to a sister. My brothers used to pick on me and I would take out my frustration with being smaller out on Christie. I would bully her something terrible, not to mention the betrayal and jealousies I've described in previous posts. I'm beyond lucky she stuck around with me through the years.
Christie was there through lazy summer days, swimming, softball, golf lessons, tennis lessons, mean teachers, fun teachers, weekly sleep-overs, Oregon trail and number munchers, new friends, mean friends, boys, family problems, adolescence, shaving for the first time, training bras, "feminine products", sex ed, finding playboys hidden away, pets dying, meeting extended family members... basically everything.
Christie meant so much to me, I couldn't bring myself to say goodbye when I moved to Houston. She went on vacation a week before I moved, so we agreed to say goodbye the morning her family left town. That day, my brothers were gone and my parents were at work, so I was home alone. When Christie's parents' van drove up, I froze in my room looking over the front porch. She rang the doorbell and called my name, but I couldn't move from the spot. Even now, thinking about it, I get choked up.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Day 24 - Eric W
Eric gave me butterflies. Our class went to Washington DC (just over ten years ago now) and that was when we really started flirting. After that, we had a few class trips before graduation, one to Six Flags Elitch Gardens and one to Water World. My friends and Eric's friends stayed together most of those days. I remember finding excuses to touch Eric. Like, bumping my shoulder against his, or hitting him gently when he made a good joke. The kicker was when we rode the carousel; we chose one of the carriages that was pulled by horses. Sitting side by side, secluded in a carriage was beyond exciting.
With the exception of Christie, Kerrie and Liz, I hadn't told anyone I was moving to Texas at this point. When Eric found out I was moving in a few weeks and he was going to be out of town for half of it, he suggested we not go out. It was reasonable, but it still sucked.
I had a going away party at the pool, which Christie helped me throw. Christie, Kerrie, Liz, Maggie, Eric and Matt were there. It was bittersweet, made more bitter by the fact that Eric and Maggie started dating that day.
With the exception of Christie, Kerrie and Liz, I hadn't told anyone I was moving to Texas at this point. When Eric found out I was moving in a few weeks and he was going to be out of town for half of it, he suggested we not go out. It was reasonable, but it still sucked.
I had a going away party at the pool, which Christie helped me throw. Christie, Kerrie, Liz, Maggie, Eric and Matt were there. It was bittersweet, made more bitter by the fact that Eric and Maggie started dating that day.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Day 23 - Darcie
Darcie is the reason I know what a Jerry bear is. I don't think she was a dead head exactly, especially since it was 1998 and we were 13. I would have described Darcie as a hippie at the time. She wore tie-dye shirts, but they looked cool, she had long, beaded necklaces, she listened to Dave Matthews Band, The Grateful Dead and the like.
That year, our science teacher had to have some sort of major invasive surgery that kept her out of the classroom nearly all year. It was great. Our sub was really sweet and we took advantage of her. Some days, Kerrie, Liz and I would sit near the front of the class and pretend to pay attention. Some days, I would sit in the back of the class with Darcie and some guys and joke around the whole period. I learned probably every dirty joke in existence that year (which came in handy when I was the new kid in Texas).
I can't remember many times when Darcie wasn't happy. Her smile brightened rooms and her laugh was infectious.
That year, our science teacher had to have some sort of major invasive surgery that kept her out of the classroom nearly all year. It was great. Our sub was really sweet and we took advantage of her. Some days, Kerrie, Liz and I would sit near the front of the class and pretend to pay attention. Some days, I would sit in the back of the class with Darcie and some guys and joke around the whole period. I learned probably every dirty joke in existence that year (which came in handy when I was the new kid in Texas).
I can't remember many times when Darcie wasn't happy. Her smile brightened rooms and her laugh was infectious.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Day 22 - Ali H
Ali was my first major rival for Christie's friendship. Christie and I weren't always in the same class, we weren't even on the same softball team. I knew she made other friends, just as I did, but I was supposed to come first, just as she did for me. Then Ali came along. She was in orchestra with Christie and suddenly they seemed like best friends.
O, that's when the green-eyed monster came out in me.
Ali was, and I'm sure is, a very nice girl. I tried to be nice to her, but I'm sure I wasn't. Luckily, I wasn't rude enough to scare her away from Christie or turn Christie against me. It took a year, but we became amicable towards each other. It turned out there was good reason for Christie to be friends with Ali.
O, that's when the green-eyed monster came out in me.
Ali was, and I'm sure is, a very nice girl. I tried to be nice to her, but I'm sure I wasn't. Luckily, I wasn't rude enough to scare her away from Christie or turn Christie against me. It took a year, but we became amicable towards each other. It turned out there was good reason for Christie to be friends with Ali.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Day 21 - Kerrie Earley
Kerrie and I giggled more than I have with almost any other person in my entire life. We would stay up all night watching Anastasia or Mulan and just laugh. Her parents were pretty strict, so we would normally sleep over at her house, not mine. They lived about an hour outside of Littleton on a fairly large piece of land with horses. She was over it the way all of us were over our parents' life choices at 13, but I thought it was fantastic.
I also remember reading to each other on the phone until one of us fell asleep. She, Liz, Maggie, Christie and I spent more time together than probably recommended. Near the end of eighth grade, everyone was acting as if we were seniors, letting us slack off a bit. We could convince teachers our model of the island of Isis clearly needed real rocks and water from the swamp behind the school. Off we'd go traipsing through the grass, sitting behind the school joking around. I felt someone was allowing me to soak up my friends as much as possible before I moved.
I also remember reading to each other on the phone until one of us fell asleep. She, Liz, Maggie, Christie and I spent more time together than probably recommended. Near the end of eighth grade, everyone was acting as if we were seniors, letting us slack off a bit. We could convince teachers our model of the island of Isis clearly needed real rocks and water from the swamp behind the school. Off we'd go traipsing through the grass, sitting behind the school joking around. I felt someone was allowing me to soak up my friends as much as possible before I moved.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Day 20 - Liz Switzer
Liz was so funny! She just seemed like the kind of person I wanted to be like: funny, laid-back and so cute, but she probably wouldn't want you to think she was cute. I bought Doc Marten's because Liz wore them all the time. She also introduced me to 'The Princess Bride'. Even class projects were fun with Liz. We had to make a heart diagram and we chose to do a fruit pizza. We spent a few afternoons shopping for strange fruits, baking a cookie and then making it look like a heart. She taught me how to shoot fruit juice at people by squeezing the little sacs of the fruit. So fun! She and her friend Maggie had seemed to be an unbreakable duo, always whispering to each other. Once I was her friend, she would whisper to me and I felt like I had arrived.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Day 19 - Kory E
I don't remember the day-to-day details of my relationship with Kory. We dated through at least half of 7th grade. By December, we had been "together" for awhile and I think we had gone on "chaperoned" dates (by friends, not parents) and talked on the phone enough that my parents were starting to catch on. I think I liked having a boyfriend more than I liked Kory.
Somehow Jamie got involved in some scheme to help Kory kiss me. One day before Christmas vacation, Jamie and Erin convinced me I had to go back to my locker to get something with them. Kory was there with one of his friends. We were just standing around and suddenly Kory and I were in the center and there was mistletoe above our heads. So... we kissed. It's a vague memory. I remember not wanting to do it in the first place nor repeat it. I'm not sure why we stayed together after that.
By Valentine's day, I had finally mustered the courage to dump him, but Erin convinced me that would be awfully mean. He gave me a card that was designed for a long-distance relationship that hinted that I could be closer. I dumped him the next day. Or did he dump me right before I could? Anyway, we broke up. He seemed to hate me after that and his friends would torment me about my prudish ways.
I saw him again when I was visiting from Texas once we were in High school. We joked about the past and then we ended up under a mistletoe again. This time when we kissed, it wasn't awful and I wasn't embarrassed, but I still didn't want to repeat it.
Somehow Jamie got involved in some scheme to help Kory kiss me. One day before Christmas vacation, Jamie and Erin convinced me I had to go back to my locker to get something with them. Kory was there with one of his friends. We were just standing around and suddenly Kory and I were in the center and there was mistletoe above our heads. So... we kissed. It's a vague memory. I remember not wanting to do it in the first place nor repeat it. I'm not sure why we stayed together after that.
By Valentine's day, I had finally mustered the courage to dump him, but Erin convinced me that would be awfully mean. He gave me a card that was designed for a long-distance relationship that hinted that I could be closer. I dumped him the next day. Or did he dump me right before I could? Anyway, we broke up. He seemed to hate me after that and his friends would torment me about my prudish ways.
I saw him again when I was visiting from Texas once we were in High school. We joked about the past and then we ended up under a mistletoe again. This time when we kissed, it wasn't awful and I wasn't embarrassed, but I still didn't want to repeat it.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Day 18 - Jamie
So, the third in our secret-keeping trio was Jamie. Jamie was fun. She was also bossy. She used to make me do the lamest things. One afternoon, she stole my rollerblades and hid them; to get home in time, I had to walk home barefoot. She also used to do things like involve Erin in something and tell me I was excluded. Ugh, it was so frustrating. Jamie had a way of making me do things I didn't want to do. I don't blame her; especially now, I don't hold a grudge. I do find it amazing how many things I did in seventh grade that I felt I was doing for her.
Day 17 - Erin Eloe
Erin and I were in band and some classes together, we also rode the same bus. I remember laughing a lot when I was with Erin. She was very sweet and such a good friend. She was also gorgeous, but down-to-earth. In seventh grade we had a notebook that we shared with Jamie. We all had nicknames for each other and I think we thought they made it more secretive who owned the notebook. I was Andy, Erin was Ernie and Jamie was James. No one was going to see through those names. Nope, noway. For added protection, we wrote in Pig Latin. We had important secrets to keep safe.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Day 16 - John M
In typing class, we sat alphabetically which put me next to John. John had a personality that no one could dislike. He was funny, outgoing, self-effacing, smart, talented and just cool. He had, that extra element, a 'je ne sais quoi" of sorts. John would call me and we'd talk for a long time about who knows what. He wrote me a song, but when he played and sang it for me on the phone, he put the receiver too far away and I couldn't hear it. When he came back on, I told him it was fantastic (bad idea).
One of John's girl friends (he was the type of guy with more friends who are girls than guys) told me that he liked me. That method always bothered me, which I won't elaborate on tonight. I reacted poorly, I suppose. I did like John. I did, but I don't think I was mature enough or strong enough to go out with him. This self-assessment is only in hindsight, at the time I didn't know why I didn't want to date him. Which makes explaining it to someone that much tougher.
The guilt that followed me around after rejecting him was awful. I learned the strangest back routes to my classes to avoid him in the halls. I would suddenly become silent when his friends passed me in the halls. I was somewhat of a statue for the rest of the semester in that typing class
The last year of middle school finally came and we were all so much older. There was nothing we didn't know! John and I could finally go back to be being acquaintances. He was still funny, outgoing, self-effacing, smart, talented, just cool and now taller. I still didn't want to date him, but now he didn't want to date me either, so it was okay.
One of John's girl friends (he was the type of guy with more friends who are girls than guys) told me that he liked me. That method always bothered me, which I won't elaborate on tonight. I reacted poorly, I suppose. I did like John. I did, but I don't think I was mature enough or strong enough to go out with him. This self-assessment is only in hindsight, at the time I didn't know why I didn't want to date him. Which makes explaining it to someone that much tougher.
The guilt that followed me around after rejecting him was awful. I learned the strangest back routes to my classes to avoid him in the halls. I would suddenly become silent when his friends passed me in the halls. I was somewhat of a statue for the rest of the semester in that typing class
The last year of middle school finally came and we were all so much older. There was nothing we didn't know! John and I could finally go back to be being acquaintances. He was still funny, outgoing, self-effacing, smart, talented, just cool and now taller. I still didn't want to date him, but now he didn't want to date me either, so it was okay.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Day 15 - Roald Dahl
The BFG was my favorite book for years. After reading it several times, I memorized the author's foreign name, Roald Dahl, to memory and headed to the library. I read Witches, then Matilda, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, James and the Giant Peach, The Magic Finger, The Twits and some poetry. I couldn't put Dahl's books down. He has a way of transplanting his reader to a new place and making them understand a new perspective. Up until then, I had read Judy Blume and other reality-based children's novels and a few classic children books, like Little Women and The Secret Garden. To read a funny fantasy was refreshing, I think.
After exhausting the majority of Dahl's children and teen books, I moved on to his Autobiographies. They were amazing. While reading, Boy, I couldn't believe the things he lived through when he was just my age.
Roald Dahl was my introduction to contemporary authors, autobiographies and searching out books without teacher or parent input.
After exhausting the majority of Dahl's children and teen books, I moved on to his Autobiographies. They were amazing. While reading, Boy, I couldn't believe the things he lived through when he was just my age.
Roald Dahl was my introduction to contemporary authors, autobiographies and searching out books without teacher or parent input.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Day 14 - Zach McHugh
Christie ran up to me at the end of fourth grade with news of a new boy with red hair and freckles moving to our school the following year. She thought it was Andy moving back. That just seemed too good to be true and it was. The first day of fifth grade, we met Zach McHugh. He was funny, always quick with a smile, and blushed easily.
The next summer, Zach was at my favorite spot a lot: the neighborhood pool. We ended up joking around enough that Stacey even asked me if I liked him (but that's another nerve-wracking story). I got a letter from Zach while he was away at camp. He asked me to go out with him. I accepted secretly. We rode our bikes together, even going to get something to eat at McDonald's and enjoying it at the big park in a different neighborhood. We had a lot of fun together.
During this first dating experience, I was also going through a brief pyromania phase. I think Zach was going through something similar, because on more than one occasion, I remember him carrying matches or a lighter. (In fact, looking back, I wonder which came into my life first: Zach or fire?) One day near the end of summer, we had some sort of tiff while we were standing with our bikes outside the pool. I only remember that it ended with him teasingly trying to light my tire on fire and me riding away. When school started he broke up with me and I burnt the letters he wrote me.
All-in-all, we were a flash fire with no lasting evidence.
The next summer, Zach was at my favorite spot a lot: the neighborhood pool. We ended up joking around enough that Stacey even asked me if I liked him (but that's another nerve-wracking story). I got a letter from Zach while he was away at camp. He asked me to go out with him. I accepted secretly. We rode our bikes together, even going to get something to eat at McDonald's and enjoying it at the big park in a different neighborhood. We had a lot of fun together.
During this first dating experience, I was also going through a brief pyromania phase. I think Zach was going through something similar, because on more than one occasion, I remember him carrying matches or a lighter. (In fact, looking back, I wonder which came into my life first: Zach or fire?) One day near the end of summer, we had some sort of tiff while we were standing with our bikes outside the pool. I only remember that it ended with him teasingly trying to light my tire on fire and me riding away. When school started he broke up with me and I burnt the letters he wrote me.
All-in-all, we were a flash fire with no lasting evidence.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Day 13 - Ms. Williamson
I've written two teacher raves, and it's time for a pan. Ms. Williamson is the teacher about whom you wonder, "did she become a teacher just to torture kids? or for the power?"
It's my first year in middle school, I'm awkward, my bangs are growing out, I want so badly to be popular, my confidence is thin at best and none of my classes are with my best friend, Christie. In walks my teacher, Ms. Williamson.
Okay, her entrance did not set the tone; I don't even remember the first time I met her. I remember small events where she tore my self-esteem into little bits. Granted, I didn't do all my homework, I occasionally talked during class, and I had no interest in learning the scientific names of the plants in the xeriscape garden we had to maintain. I still don't think that's enough to warrant her treatment of me. (The fact that my disobedient brother had her two years prior may have sparked some of it.)
The one example that I can still get blood-boiling angry over almost made me cry in class: it happened after lunch one day. I return to the room before most other kids because my locker mate and I didn't get along and I didn't really have friends to dilly-dally with in the hallway. Ms. Williamson sits at her desk, eating a salad. She says something to put herself down (like about needing to eat a salad, or being a mess that day, I don't remember exactly) and I respond with, "You look really nice today, Ms. Williamson." (Now, let me explain that potentially brown-nosing statement. For some reason, a lot of the girls I wanted to be friends with liked Ms. Williamson and I tried to accommodate to this by making Ms. Williamson like me. I didn't do a good job of it.)
During this exchange, the bell has rung and my peers are filing back into the classroom. Ms. Williamson chooses this moment to respond in a way that implies I was complimenting her because I am a lesbian and I obviously am attracted to her.
...
No, I'm not kidding. And yes, that's only one example.
She was awful.
It's my first year in middle school, I'm awkward, my bangs are growing out, I want so badly to be popular, my confidence is thin at best and none of my classes are with my best friend, Christie. In walks my teacher, Ms. Williamson.
Okay, her entrance did not set the tone; I don't even remember the first time I met her. I remember small events where she tore my self-esteem into little bits. Granted, I didn't do all my homework, I occasionally talked during class, and I had no interest in learning the scientific names of the plants in the xeriscape garden we had to maintain. I still don't think that's enough to warrant her treatment of me. (The fact that my disobedient brother had her two years prior may have sparked some of it.)
The one example that I can still get blood-boiling angry over almost made me cry in class: it happened after lunch one day. I return to the room before most other kids because my locker mate and I didn't get along and I didn't really have friends to dilly-dally with in the hallway. Ms. Williamson sits at her desk, eating a salad. She says something to put herself down (like about needing to eat a salad, or being a mess that day, I don't remember exactly) and I respond with, "You look really nice today, Ms. Williamson." (Now, let me explain that potentially brown-nosing statement. For some reason, a lot of the girls I wanted to be friends with liked Ms. Williamson and I tried to accommodate to this by making Ms. Williamson like me. I didn't do a good job of it.)
During this exchange, the bell has rung and my peers are filing back into the classroom. Ms. Williamson chooses this moment to respond in a way that implies I was complimenting her because I am a lesbian and I obviously am attracted to her.
...
No, I'm not kidding. And yes, that's only one example.
She was awful.
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